By Heather     dreamheather@hotmail.com
Date: 11 February 1998

Firewalking

Fear, makes me freeze.
Pain, makes me move.
For far too long I've bounced between the two.
The time has come, I must break through.

My Spirit tells me,
"To overcome the fear that freezes me,
I must face, allow the pain, so I can move past it.
To open my heart, with faith and trust in Spirit.
So I'll be free, of all doubt, to reach for truth and love."

For too long, pain has imprisioned me.
The fear of pain has kept me from opening the doors,
So I might set myself free.
Pain kept me from finding direction, a place to turn.
Instead, it gave me no direction at all.

I must now go back through the fire.
Back to the place of all this pain.
Back to find that place which comes before it started.
Back to where my innocence allowed my Spirit to be my only guide.
Before the angry voices of pain and dissappointment,
Started overtalking, drowning out my heart's ability to listen,
To the clarity and wonder of my Spirit's truth and desire.

Since fear freezes me in place, there is no other way.
I don't know how far this walk will go,
Or how long it will take me.
As I open the door to each pain, step inside, I may become fearful,
Stop dead in my tracks, for awhile, freeze again.

It is then, that I must trust.
Trust Spirit, that loves me, all of me, including my darkness.
So I don't have to face this pain alone.
It is then, that I must have faith.
With me Spirit will be, when I feel this pain,
Move with this pain, become one with this pain,
Feel it as my own.
So I may move past this pain, leave this pain behind.
Once and for all,
Start fresh.

I have no illusions.
I know I will always have some pain in my life.
For if there were no pain, there would be no life, no joy.
In this relative world in which we exist, all things must have balance.
Joy/Pain
Delight/Sorrow
Light/Dark
Here/There
The list goes on and on.
I just no longer, can let the fear of pain be the ruler of my heart.
Of this I have no doubt, facing the pain will move me.

In my heart of hearts,
I hope a lover will be there, when I reach the other side.
When all the doors have been flung open,
Once all the dark secrets, fears, and disappointments,
Are all exposed to light.
Where they will lose their grip,
Where they will burn away, in the brightness of love.
Will hold for my heart, no more power.
To free me, to find someone to love again.

So I may,
Force the guard of my heart to surrender.
Live for a new day.
Speak a new language.
Find the words to speak only truth.
Find the courage to speak them to a new love.
Let me share them,
With lightness, from my heart.
With laughter, from my soul.
Without exception.
Without expectation.
To let them fall, as they may.
'Cause I now believe,
The only way to hang on any longer,
is for me to consciously let go...

On this walk of fire,
I must open myself,
Expose it all.
Risk everything, including more pain.
To free myself to find, the healing power of love,
Both, inside me, and out.

So I may once again, see the reflection of my love,
in someone's eyes and smile.
Give away my words of love, till they tell me with their words to stop.
May you see your love in someone's else's eyes too.
And be glad.
Glad we could risk our hearts, along with pain. Again.

May you and I,
Feel our aliveness,
Our passion,
Our love of life,
Our sense of awe and wonder of life's twists of fate.
As before, when I felt free to do and say it all,
And had no fear of driving you away.
Just the fear of completely letting go, trusting my heart.
Inviting someone, close enough, to risk deep hurt.

To this my Spirit says,
"No guts. No glory. Which will it be?"
I will now walk through the fire, just to get unfrozen.

Spirit, hold me.
I need to take this chance,
Or I will never know,
I will always wonder, what might have been.
Please, hold me.
Please.
Here goes........