By The Guppy   kingsaladmonkey@hotmail.com
Date: 26 July 1999

words...drowning...eels...hope

it's never been about the words you hear when i make motions with my mouth
and breath enough to force them out into the air where they're compared
and taken in, broken down, peeled apart from meanings of my heart
but, it's surely not above me to be so damn confusing
you know
it's like i've got a million clocks ticking in me at once
telling me that time is god and making thoughts fly far to fast and far
to catch and fully know them before i must rely on them
to make myself do the things my thoughts just won't make clear
it feels like i'm sometimes standing in the shallow end
of an actual size wading pool, but it's still way over my head
and sometimes then, when i feel like that, i also feel that there would be no
difference if i was at the deep end...or in the ocean...
doesn't really matter where you drown
except that the shallow end would be a little more embarrassing
if i have to drown, then i'd prefer to do it in conditions that would be
nearly impossible not to
like the arctic ocean
with 1000 pounds of concrete valentines day cards tied around my neck
and electric eels, though they like warm water, i'm sure i could convince a few
to help me out
they probably just like warm water because that's all they've ever known
all they've been taught about
all they've had to deal with their whole lives
nothing against them, they're fine creatures, i'd be honored to date one
if i was an eel myself
and i wasn't drowning
funny thing about me and drowning is that i'm a decent swimmer
just forgetful...like i forget that i need to breath
or i forget which way the air i need to breath is located
usually end up taking a deep breath of mud from the bottom
before i figure it out
never breath mud
bad for the lungs
and really the only things that has been keeping my attitude so optimistic
are the daily love letters i receive from audrey:

"dearest guppypoo,

you're a nutcase, but i still love you...smooches...and of course i forgive you for everything you've done wrong...hugs...you make me smile...

your impossible love,
audrey"

doesn't even matter that i write them to myself
they still give me hope
and that has just become my whole point