By Misti Velvet Rainwater
Date: 15 November 1999

Every Perfect Gift

as it is written in my favorite Bible verse...
*Every good gift and every perfect gift is from 
 above, and cometh down from the Father of Lights,
 with whom is no variableness nor season of changing.*
 for a long time I have kept that verse inside my heart
 with all the other starry bits and pieces of brilliance
 that make me want to be better and shine even when I
 hurt and want to give up...
    I can say I'm not going back to church until my head
    is right and I'm being good and I'm strong enough to
    make the necessary changes
    I can say I won't go back until I can look at the 
    children and feel worthy to teach them about Jesus
    in Sunday school and give them pictures of Baby Moses
    to color blue and red and purple and orange and chartreuse
    and magenta and maize and whatever new colors Crayola has named
    and I can say that I won't give my heart away again until
    I make more than minimum wage and I'm sweeter and kinder
    and no how to get from point A to point B without stopping at
    3 different convenience stores and asking strangers for their
    help...
            but the truth is...my heart tells me to go inside a small
   Catholic church with stained glass windows when no one else is around and say your name like it's a prayer and ask Jesus for Some More and preferably the kind that lasts and is mutual
         even though
      I am in tattered rags
         and I don't deserve it
  my heart tells me
    to keep going for
      The Gift.