By Misti Velvet Rainwater
Date: 8 November 1999

Tribute to BFC

  I know that it's over.
  I knew it was over
  the moment I met you.
  I was smiling and you
  were looking at me like
  you thought I was crazy.
  But I wanted you.
  Had to have you.
  So I rode at my own risk.
  And you made me throw my arms
  up high.
  And I was scared
  but smiling.
  Because I was with you.
  For four months we learned
  each other. I wanted to
  memorize you.
  I wanted to crystallize
  the moments.
  I wanted to call you
  sweetheart & darling.
  And you must know that I
  am diametrically opposed
  to terms of endearment.
  I wanted to be your bride.
  I wanted to play golf with you.
  I wanted to name fish with you.
  I wanted to bake you a perfect lasagna
  and chocolate cobbler for dessert.
  I have written harsh poems about you.
  I have hurt you with my criticism,
  my silence, my refusal to bow down.
  I cheated on you once.
  And didn't feel guilty.
  But if you can know that
  and understand the reasons, then
  know this and never forget it:
  I loved you before I knew 
  your name. I love you now
  knowing what I know. I'll love you
  sixty years from now.
  I'll remember you when I've forgotten
  everybody and everything else.
  If I ever give birth to another baby,
  I will think of you and cry because I 
  wanted to make four babies with you.
  If I ever do the traditional thing and
  get married to a man who isn't married
  to somebody else, I will think of you
  and feel a lump in my throat because in
  bed with you, there were so many times
  when I could envision us exchanging vows.
  Oh, darling. Never before have I felt such
  a surge of estrogen. Never before have I felt
  more like a woman. You were number 3 and number 22
  and number 5. My third true love, my 22nd experience
  of the heart and my fifth sexual partner. And you were
  number one. The first man who truly mattered. The first
  man I truly miss.