By Erica  esbc@hotmail.com
Date: 4 May 1999

Things I Can't Say

My Legs are cold.
My hands are too.
My eyes are Red.
My nose is too.
It's 5 o'clock in the morning, and I hate you.
You make me cry and you force me to put away any 
good memories that I have of us.
You don't make me sick; you don't make me mad, you make me feel regret.
Regret that I met you; regret that I liked you; regret that I wanted you.
How can you be so mean and so cold?

I'm sorry if you felt like I used you only for comfort.  
No, nothing was wrong.
Yes, perhaps that was a first for you, not to have to rescue me.
I guess I'm no longer your damsel in distress.

I hate you for being there when I needed you.
For meeting every one of my expectations and desires.  
I hate you for making me tear down my wall, only for you to 
scare and hurt me, forcing me to build and even higher one.

You came out of no where and helped me with so many things. 
You proved to me that I had self worth and that I deserved good things.
You made me smile.
You made me sigh.
You allowed me to believe that God actually created someone just for me.  
I hate you for making me see everything for what it was,
but at the same time, continued to play the bullshit game with me.
You made me feel great, then easily stripped that away.
I hate you for asking me for a hug.

How dare you come into my heart from behind my back.
I was smitten over you.
You were so close to my idea of perfection that I ever thought I could get to.
How can you get so close to my heart, then leave it after your name was written all over it?
How dare you be my friend, be my prospective partner, then be my enemy.
How dare you like me back, then take it awat just because you became just as scared as I was.
How dare you fear like I do.
You're no casanova; you're just a little boy.
Now I have to move on so my heart will stop being burned by what ever fire you started.