By deevaa Date: 5 December 1999
The next day he rang me and said his parents where coming into town the same night, and rather than cancel our plans he suggested we join them for dinner first. I wasn't totally happy about this but didn't want to make any waves.
When we'd first started dating, I enjoyed all the attention he heaped upon me, I was flattered by the flowers he'd send, (red roses after the second date), and pale pink lilies the following week when I'd invited him over for dinner.
But then he'd began to push me to hard, I was not ready for this kind of pressure, no this soon out of my marriage. So I explained this to him, and suggested that maybe we could still go out occasionally but that really I was only looking for friendship. Glen said he understood, and said that as long as he got the to still spend time with me, that he'd be happy.
We had dinner with his folks and everything went well, I don't know how Glen had described me to his parents, but they'd been very kind to me. Later that evening, we where alone at his house. There was what I thought a comfortable silence between us as I lay on one sofa watching TV, he was on the other, his feet up on the coffee table between us.
"what would you do if I came and sat by you?"
"Whats wrong with where you are sitting? can't
you see the TV?"
He came over and knelt on the wooden floorboards
in front of me, and I could see what he had in mind.
"no no no... just friends remember?" He
stayed where he was and put his hand on my waist, the other stroked my
hair.
"it wouldn't make any difference, we'll still
be friends"
I sat up and brushed his hands away. "No Glen,
I don't fuck my friends."
"We've done it before, why not?" his hands started
moving along my body, I couldn't take it any longer.
I stood up, my trust was being betrayed.
He grabbed at my hand and tried to pull me into his arms. I shook
his hands off me and reached for my coat.
"no, Glen - I can't do this."
He realised what was happening "just stay, I'll
stop... just please stay.... "
I walked out the door without saying a thing,
I saw him realise what a mistake he'd just made and tear welled in his
eyes,
"Please dee, can't we just talking about this."
I kept walking. "No Glen, I'm sorry, just
leave it."
I could hear his voice calling down the path
after me. All I could think of was I needed to be at home. My cellphone
rang as I reached my little red car, I knew it was
him without looking at the caller ID screen. I think of leaving
the call unanswered.
"hello"
"I'm sorry dee, I've ruined things between us
haven't I?"
"Please Glen, just leave it, I don't' want to
talk about this now. We can talk later"
I press the 'end of call' button as tears start
to flow.
The phone rang again, and I push it to the bottom
of my bag, and throw it over the seat to the parcel tray in the rear. I
can't hear it ring any more.
The next day we where at the lagoon when my phone
rang. He asked me where I was, and when I'd said that my son and I are
at the lagoon he'd asked if he could join us to apologise. He tells me
how sorry he is, and that it will never happen again.
I said how angry he'd made me and he apologisees
once again. I kept walking beside him, my two year old running ahead on
the grass. I can't bring myself to look at him and hot tears begin to run
down my cheeks.
I find a quiet spot away from all the other families spending time together, and sit down in the grass. TK comes running back to me and asks me to remove his boots, I do, and he races off barefoot. Glen drops down onto the grass beside me, and steers blankly at the grass. He can tell I am angry, not just from my words, but my manner, he looks up and tries to get eye contact with me, I won't return his gaze and say that things will never be the same between us, that I feel sad I've lost a friend. "you said you would wait until I am ready Glen." he mumbles that he knows, and that he is sorry, then tries to pull me into a hug TK dashes back towards us, he takes hold of Glens hand and says loudly, "Don't touch 'Len", Glen drops his hands and TK climbs on to my knee, wraps his arms about my neck and says "I love you, mumma". I stand, TK still propped on my hip. "Goodbye Glen."
This morning 1/2 dozen red roses were delivered to my desk. The note says simply "I'm sorry".
I've emailed him.
"Thank-you for the roses, they are very pretty...
BUT they are red roses and some how it makes me feel like you are
not hearing me.
Red roses are a symbol of passion and desire,
it was a lovely thought for you to send me flowers to apologise, but I
really don't think red roses are appropriate. If you'd
sent me another type of flower I'd have phoned to thankyou... but I really
can't now.
You need to speak with the florist about what
flowers symbolise.. yellow roses mean friendship, and white purity,
hyacinth is asking for forgiveness, and yellow tulips (which happen to
be my favourite) mean "you have sunshine in your smile" ... any of
these would have been a better choice. I can't accept red roses, I've given
them to the receptionist.
Right now, I can't offer you anything more
than friendship and at the moment I don't even know if I can offer that."
If I was to send flowers to him today, I'd send yellow carnations, -- I am disappointed in your actions.