By Michael (driving a paddywaggon) Date: 28 May 2000
I'm in my padded cell again
wearing the straightjacket
you gave me
I thought you told me I was obsessed
I think I was obsessed once
you didn't want me to be obsessed once
and now what are you telling me darling?
now I'm committed
to my asylum
now I'm committed
again
to my own prison
This is love insanity
They took me away a long time ago
I was seeing your ghost everywhere
ghosts actually
she's standing right next to my computer
she's trying to wipe these tears
that drip
drip
dripping
down my face
but she can't do it
she's a ghost
the ghost of my friend Steve
Not your Steve
my friend
with his red shirt
black jeans
and that small red truck
we called Steve's diner
he's just visiting
to comfort me
in my love insanity
the ghost of my friend Kirk
Not the blender Kirk
my friend Kirk
with his short hair
blue jean shorts
and that blue car
he always drives too fast
he's just visiting
to console me
in my love insanity
The image of my mother
she's only thirty five in my memory
she's crying too
because she wants to me be happy
she knows this is not happy
she's crying too
Because I'm committed
in my white padded cell
Committed
in love insanity
Committed
to your memory
Committed
to your ghost
that's pointing a finger at me
the middle one in her left hand
the index finger of her right hand
the right hand that's wearing a wedding ring -- I didn't put it there
telling me it's all my fault
and this is love
love insanity
The ghost of my friend Britt
he's 14 and tall and skinny
wearing a body glove t-shirt
he still doesn't like you
not because he doesn't like you
he wouldn't hold that against you forever
its because he's felt the same feelings I've felt
he's been in love insanity
its because he remembers
that I didn't want to leave you
that you pushed me away
that I was a crazy wreck
like I am again
and this is love
love insanity
All these ghosts today
in my imagination.
but I can call them
all of them but you
I can call them
and make them real.
I'm typing to Rod on
MSN instant messenger right now
he's real.
All these ghosts today
in my imagination.
my overactive imagination
they aren't real
If I blink they aren't there
just a daydream really
figments of my imagination
they lack so much substance
like the love you give me through this ether
like the subtle clues you give me
in music recommendations
that I don't have time to listen to
that I'm not paying enough attention to
darling I'm listening to you
but you know I suck at signs
It's damn hard enough to see reality
because this is love insanity
and I have to go to work in the morning
and pretend I'm not crazy
because this is love insanity
why don't you just come out and say it?
Since when is the girl who told off
Senor Spanish Fuckhead
Gave him the finger
in front of me and Kathy and the whole class
as we applauded silently
Since when is that girl afraid to speak her mind
I love you to death darling
Tell me anything
as long as it's the truth
or tell me lies
Like Fox Mulder
Hearing Dana Scully
I want to believe
I want to believe
more than anything in this world
that you want to be with me
and that's what your ghost is telling me
but it's hard to believe
it's just your ghost
I could believe
if you were here
and you kissed my tears away
because then I wouldn't be committed
for no reason at all
then it would just be love
not love insanity
Damn these words
Damn these miles
if I could look into your eyes
if I could kiss you
if I could hold you
I would know
that this was love
not love insanity
or that was was simply
temporary insanity
I see my brother's ghost
he's wearing confused
he's wearing a Guess logo
He's wondering what happened
Didn't he see me last week?
Didn't he see me finally moving on?
Didn't he hear me talking about Lovely Lisa
-- Miss not right now,
Miss maybe,
Miss maybe not ever.
Other misses.
Who weren't hits.
But Misses.