By Gala
Date: 22 May 2000
Regrets Only
You loom large in a life
made notable by a lack of regrets,
much more than poor judgement
on my part---
can't simply call it one of those things,
and forgive myself for stupid,
can't blame raging hormones
or non-benign neglect.
No.
I can't offer excuses
or explain you away
as once I did
that momentary lapse of reason
they sing about.
The first time you shanghai-ed my heart,
took me unawares
and ravished more than skin.
Burned badly enough
I should have known
never to get within arm's reach.
But I saw something in your eyes
that demanded an answer,
that I could not shrug off
and when your arms closed around me
it was too late to call retreat,
and so I was obliged.
The heart offers no logic,
and hasn't a lick of sense
it only knows when it's hungry.
I never reached for you---
but my heart did.
And when i shut my eyes
half drowning
the thought of "not again"
was bittersweet
as french chocolate,
smooth as melted butter
and the same guilty pleasure you get
lighting a cigarette
when you have vowed
never to smoke again.
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