By Megs
Date: 22 February 2000

Losing Sleep

     I am having trouble sleeping lately.  Which is funny, cause I have so
much more room to stretch out, now that she's gone.  I never realized how much
room there was in a bed. She would sprawl horizontal and diagonal and upside
down in a night.  I had to hunch over on the slimmest edge, and I would watch
her, the way she was all cuddled contentedly, wrapped up in every last blanket
of course.  And the way she used to HAVE to have her head right in that space
where the shoulder connects, till my arm would go numb.  How can a body
relax that way? Now that she's gone, I figured I might catch up on my rest.
But like I said, I haven't been able to sleep hardly at all.
     Its funny how quiet this house could be.  I never knew it before, what with
her always asking me this question and that question.  "What are you thinking
about?"  "What's the matter?" Always wanting to talk- to communicate she would
say. And laughing over every little thing. And singing country songs loud and
twangy.  Its a wonder I ever got any work done.  I would tell her to be quiet
while I concentrated desperately on the accounts from work. I turned my focus
away from her silly teasing dance routines.  And funny faces like a three-year
old.  I mean, a man has to get his work done and she never could understand
that.  It'll take some getting used to, all this silence. I just never had a
chance to appreciate the quiet in this house.
      I won't miss her at all.  That's for sure.  A remote control all to myself.  No more picture frames and corny Hallmark cards to clutter every flat
surface. Dinner in front of the TV.  I can finally watch a whole game and all
of the Sportscenter reruns without anyone to interrupt me. Can keep the bedroom
as messy as I want, but I catch myself picking up every once in awhile cause
maybe its all the clutter that keeps me awake.  Its been so cold here too, even
with all these extra blankets.  Probably  cause no one cranks up the thermostat
to 75 degrees, wasting so much money.  But it is pretty cold, I'll admit.  I
just wish I could get to the bottom of what is keeping me up at night.
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