By Natasha Svenska
Date: 30 October 2000
California
My sadness cannot compete with my loneliness
I thought I found the perfect man
I really didn't doubt it
I gave him everything
my heart, my soul, my life
a century of my youth
and he took it, he took it all
along with my dignity and self-worth
He found someone else
So quickly it was humiliating
the sheets of our bed were'nt even cold
Who am I?
I drifted so far away I don't even regonize myself anymore
there's no more icing on the cake
I don't feel anything else but ache
sometimes I feel everything else but pain
sometimes I wish all I had left was the ache
some superficial feeling of sorrow--but I don't even feel anymore
I just am.
I wish I could feel an emotion
something that makes you feel as deep as the ocean
but I feel shallow, left out, alone.
In a deep sleep without rest
Restless, just going through the motions
much like an ocean -- but I'm on the east coast
it makes me feel like a foreigner in a strange land
I never knew I would be so numb
I wish I could feel again
open my eyes
be real again
feel again, be again.
what a surprise
I'm in New York
due to my lover's decision
but I'm without my lover...
no where near California.
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