By deevaa (deevaa@paradise.net.nz)
Date: 19 October 2000
Miss sunshine and smiles
I've never had a week
more intensely full of emotion
finding that my best friend
and my lover
made a date,
and met,
after I'd inadvertently
introduced them via email.
So they make a date for
Saturday --
beer and a pool hall
turned into an all nighter
at his place
with him walking her home around noon
Sunday.
Same week
having fallen hard,
and fast
for a special someone
online
realise it will never work
(for us both)
and try to move on
with grace
and gather together the shards of
what could be a lovely friendship
if we let it.
Monday.
lunch with the lover
he feels very guilty.
would do anything to make it up to me,
so I fuck him
tell him its all right
but in my head whisper,
goodbye.
Tuesday
friend thinks maybe she likes my lover
in a sense that is more
than just casual.
But won't act on it... for fear of 'hurting' me.
(yeah like meeting&sleeping with him, wouldn't have)
So she takes me out to lunch,
and buys me flowers
and gifts
(for my birthday --
to make it up to me
like I can be brought)
so they get together
Wednesday
(my birthday -- what timing)
beer and pool hall
turns into another
all nighter.
although
they only had sex
if you disagree
with Clintons definition.
so Thursday.... what did I do Thursday
(the anniversary of meeting
the only guy, I truly loved with all that I have)
feel slighted by the world in general
and take it out on someone
who I think did me wrong....
but who under normal circumstances
wouldn't have got
all that she did.
wrong place wrong time
alla dat,
doesn't make it right
doesn't make it better.
so here we are on Friday
(birthday of that guy... )
logged onto the net --
not a single email Friday.
guess having a bad week does that.
must try and remain
little miss happy and spirited
little miss smiles and sunshine
and maybe some of my friends will return.
So here we are Friday
and I tell my lover
that from now on
friend is all we are.
so here we are Friday
when he tells me
that really
he's not all that interested
in all she has to offer
and if he did have to pick
it would have been me.
Maybe its time to take a break
from the world.
from life
and everything in general
and take a little time out
just for me.
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