By Star Of David
Date: 8 April 2001
just words
For so long I didn’t know how,
Didn’t have words to explain my way of life.
But now I know I am the way I am
Because I was born with a broken heart inside.
Amid the stretches of darkness,
Stars would sometimes shine
But what I knew best were the dark, dark nights
They spoke to me in a way no one ever could.
The darkness gave me strength and hope
And opened my eyes to so much beauty.
The stars were my companions
The moon was my guide
The cool wind my teacher throughout the calm night.
Sharing the darkness was never a choice
But there were times we’d share our thoughts
Beneath the starry sky, my friends and I.
And if they knew now what I thought then or how I felt,
They’d say they never really knew me at all.
I didn’t mean for it to be that way.
Silence was easier, the darkness helped.
It didn’t force words out of me.
The daytime could do that so easily.
It would make me talk to fill the void
That somehow finds it’s way into a conversation
If we happen to be silent for a while.
I used to ask myself if my heart would stay broken forever.
Used to wonder if God meant it to be that way.
Till the idea formed in my mind that
All people are born complete. Full circles.
Some of them can blend into another person
And two circles can become one
But some of them are meant to be stargazers
Living in the dream world of their own creation
Which no one else would understand.
Like eagles soaring high. Not better, not worse,
Just different in a different kinda way.
And sometimes you wrap your heart up
And give it to someone and you can be so happy together
But you still find yourself wondering
If anyone else can see the world you do.
After a time you try not to go there too often
But deep down inside,
You somehow know there’s a reason why
You’re you like that and I’m me like this.
You even wonder if you’ll ever learn to fly.
But this world steps on your dreams so often
Makes you talk and act in a “normal” way
So you shelve your dreams
And take them out once in a while when no one’s around
And wonder how it could have been if you found your real home
Somewhere in the heart of the night. But not for long.
You still have to keep up the pretence
Of being just like everyone else
Lest they reject you and turn away.
Sometimes I wish they would.
But don’t we all want to be loved by someone
In some way, somehow. And on it goes, the dance of life
This illusion that makes me smile sometimes.
This nightmare that so often disguises itself
To make us think ‘tis a dream. And I keep on writing things
That probably don’t make sense to you anyhow.
Words, words, words, I wish there were more of you
So I could even try to explain myself
And the things I do.
But you could never do it
Being after all,
Just words.
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