By Tara Holland
Date: 2 April 2001

Later Major

Hey,

Here's what I'm thinking....go ahead and give me a mailing address and I'll send your pictures to you, k?

And I just want to say, it's sad that things worked out the way they did. I know I've kinda tried to bring this up a few times, and I'm getting tired of it, and we never got down to the real meat of it all in any of my attempts at talking about it, but I REALLY enjoyed spending time with you. And after I tried to slow things down a bit it all went to hell. You got so hurt and angry. So I tried to get it back to good, and it didn't happen. (I tried even too much for my own liking.) So, I'm done trying. All I can hope for is that we'll be ok friends sometime. I'm not gonna talk about any of it anymore, and I'm gonna not contact you from now on, and telling you this is for my own benefit, cause I'm pretty sure all I do is aggravate you and I'm feeling like you're maybe wishing I'd shut the hell up and leave you alone. :-) And that's what this is. I'm writing this when I'm kinda drunk, so I'm all brave and honest right now. I can say that I wish you hadn't been so resistant to us having SOMETHING important together, even if it wasn't what you wanted...the MORE that you desired. You told me, begged me, over and over agian...don't cancel out the possibilities before you even give it a chance. You convinced me that I had to test it out and go against the odds. Despite my better judgement, I listened to you. But I'm done with it. This letter is probably all fucked up, but I'm not caring about that, and you can go ahead and think whatever you want about it :-) Smile, smile, smile. Thanks for the good times. And as the song goes: 'it was good livng with you, ah haaaaaaaa...it was good'....and I'll like remembering it all...I'll have a drink for ya now, and the friend called Kris too, and I'll drink to all that mattered, and throwing rocks into the river with the rain on our heads, and all the songs that came through you and every word of every song that meant something to you, and every time you sang out strong for me to hear it, and the strippers and the Sopranos in the classroom when we touched hands the whole night, wishing for more.

Perfect. I re-read it all and I deem this letter perfect. It makes absolutely no sense, just like the 'us' that never was. And that's the coolest kind of perfect. I think I'll send myself a copy, and I'll read it tomorrow with as much freshness and non-remembrance as you're reading it now. And I'm sure I'll laugh and shake my head and call myself fucked and laugh again, and I'll love you for the fact that it was you that made me even feel all of this perfect senselessness. ...it was good...here's to you Major Sam...and thank you!

Teej
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear TJ
Well I am not quite sure where that all came from.  I assume it was the
alcohol.  I am sorry that I didn't come by work today and pick up the
pictures.  Believe it or not, but i was running late and had to get up here
in time for my class.  This was one time that I absolutely HAD to be here.  
So, for this i apologize.  Other than that I don't know exactly what you are
coming off so angry about.  It is your right to do what you do.  I don't
really care for being ripped on because I don't really know HOW to be with
you when YOU don't know what you want from me.  Understand this...i am not
perfect...nothing is, no one is.  I am sorry that I don't know what to do all
the time.  I'm sorry I wanted something that you didn't. That is where i am going to leave this.  You do what you need to do.  I will always be your friend.  Always.  I cherish our conversation and interaction.  Maybe less is more.  We'll soon find out.


My mailing address is:  ########
                         ###  #########
                        ##########, ##
            I hope to talk to you later.

                                           Sam
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