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By shameless Date: 2001 May 15 Comment on this Work [[2001.05.15.16.56.29126]] |
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Hey. I'm not sure what's going to become of this. Both my writings and my life, but at least I'm trying. I'm lost, but there's no one left to blame it on but myself. and I guess that's the most heartbreaking thought of all, "I did this to myself." My mind keeps wandering, I'm sorry. I mean I just realized tonight that even though we aren't together anymore, we really haven't been "together" for quite some time. You tell me that you're just you, the way you were before we were together, so that makes me wonder, who was I giving myself to all this time? Who was it that I was convincing myself that he loved me, wait, no, whoever he was he most certainly did love me. The way our love burned was like that of a blinding intense burst of heat consuming all that got in it's way, and then flickered out like the sickly pale glow of a streetlamp on some abandoned street corner. Does anyone know what it feels like? Of course they do! Their hearts have felt empty and broken, and everything is pain. Still I think that no one knows me and my hurt is completely my own. No one can deny me that, or to hell with them too. All I wanted was my love to be returned. I was forced and lured and tricked into loving more than I wanted to, and then the love that you felt for me was changed. I was no longer in control, stripped of my strength, my innocence I stood naked for years while all of my hopes and dreams bled out of invisible wounds. My scars, were never really scars, because they never healed, they were slashed open again and again until it hurt to cry. my tears no longer cleansed me, they filled me up more and more until I broke. My God, my innocence is gone, but it wasn't stolen, it was offered up and given wholly. Sweetly I gave myself over and lovingly my heart, my childhood, and definition of being a woman was gifted to my love. Please don't go numb, please remember what it was like to hold me, to have me completely wrapped up in you. I know your passion, I've felt it, please assure me that you'll keep at least the memory of me. The whisper of my touch against your skin. Speak to my heart in the language we once created, and then I'll be mute. I need to sleep, dreaming may find a release. Goodbye. |