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By Me aka Niki Date: 2001 Jun 23 Comment on this Work [[2001.06.23.13.49.1180]] |
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I have no clue how or where to begin Tommorow he's leaving for college Over an ocean, to the great amerika And I want to write one last poem Dedicated to him and to me A poem that would give me closure and peace But somehow tonight the words just won't come to me How can I even begin to explain how scared I am right now I'm scared that I'll start to miss him (Impossible) because He left me almost a year ago and I have done my share of missing allready I don't even see him anymore But just the idea that he's so far away will leave me searching for him Right now I know where he is, 2 houses away from me It gives me peace that I know he's THERE I won't hear his voice when I call for his sister I won't see his shadow in the backround when I come by If he steps on that plane tommorow I remember sitting in this chair behind this computer for nights writting all my feelings and thoughts on the screen because it was the only way to stay sane I remember the first kiss, my best kiss ever I remember the puppy love and how fast I really started caring I remember the joy, laughter but also the tears and pain I remember the jokes but also the screaming in the fights The walk in the rain, how happy I was if he called, how down I was when he would ignore me How I felt this pain deep inside of me whenever he would hurt me I remember the promises and lies and everything in between I know I'll never forget him Every detail is printed in my mind forever The whole day I tought of her (The B*tch) And I wonderded how she was going to cope with him leaving I rememberd the pain I had when he left me all alone and I felt sorry for her Because it's going to be even harder for her He loves her and they are always together I'm worried about him I'm afraid that he'll miss her so much And she is his world right now I don't know if he'll survive being away from her I still wonder sometimes There are so many unanswerd questions, there is so much pain But I've tucked it all away as far as I can I've been working on dealing with this pain for almost 2 years now It made me colder and harder, but it also taught me some lessons for life I'm just scared that I'm "broken beyond repair" Because he's still a big part of my life even though he isn't in it I'm lonely, because I won't let anybody in And some of the most sweetest have tried, but they are not him and I'm to afraid to trust and love again The pain is just to much for me So I guess this is g--dbye I have all these things I wanted to tell him from a year ago I thought I would get the chance to tell him But I never got it, a year later they are still up here in my head, never to be heard It's weird though I thought he would always be around The feeling I had is also fading away It's just like living in a house with a certain feeling And when you move the feeling that always surrounds you dissapears Every second of every day I thought of him, I missed him, I felt him, he was the air I needed to stay alive Now the feeling is slowly fading After trying so hard to get over him and move on But his ghost would always haunt me It's all so strange But I think I'll survive Because I'm still here And the hardest part is over I just regret some of the thing I did And I still wish that he did care ever, even for a second I still feel pain, I still wonder But it's getting beter, I'll get my peace, someday I hope he has a wonderfull life Even though I'll see him on visits, it won't be the same May I find my peace and may he have a full life Because in the end I only want him to be happy And I'm still searching for closure Closure that will close this part of my life And finally let me go on with my life without him always haunting me and let me heal 110% *I'll always care...I wish you a lot of luck in this world...sorry for everything I ever did wrong...wish you could have cared and not played with my heart..Byebye...see you in my dreams...* |