|
By Me aka Niki Date: 2001 Jul 30 Comment on this Work [[2001.07.30.01.07.14985]] |
|
For 2 years now my life has been a constant battle to stay sane and trying to get over him i fell head over heels and did I fall hard Sometimes I think that I must be pathetic or obsessed Something that lasted 9 months On and Off And when it was "On" it would be a secret to the world I never got to know him..He never even asked me on a date but we live next to each other..our thing never saw the beauty that the world has to offer Just Hot kisses in the rain under a tree I was always crying because there was always something wrong A fight, a phone call unanswerd, another girl, being dumped for the 5th time... his black eyes ,empty and cold, would make me forget the world when we made eye contact his voice ,that still echos in my head, telling me bittersweet lies I thought everything would be allright, in the end Nobody could be so cruel and untill then everything had a fairy tall ending in my life but I was wrong i haven't seen many heartless bastards like him and life can be hell it didn't turn out okay When I truly thought that I had reached him and there was going to be an "us" Everything came tumbling down on me he..left with this other girl and that time he never came back that was the worst part when I realized he was gone...forever He always used to come back and I though it was because he cared and in the end I was the one above everyone else but it was because i was the fool that would let him in It made me cold and hard a crisis of faith followed, depression, not letting anybody reach me the way he had And now I hear from a good source that he HATES me those words they hit me in the face and left me pretty numb but I didn't cry I knew it all along but I was living in my worlds where I was safe and i still had hope I just needed to hear those words I'm to bitter to cry anymore But I'm afraid because the feeling never went away i thought they did at some point and that I got over him But time after time they always come back i think I have just succedeed in putting them far away but that scares me because I know that one day everything will surface maybe tomorow maybe 4 months maybe 2 years maybe never again if I'm strong enough to survive I wonder actions speak louder then words I always told him I was right |