By Misti Velvet Rainwater
Submitted by chris
Date: 2001 Jul 31
Comment on this Work
[[2001.07.31.01.07.15902]]

So...we didn't get drunk

So...we didn't get drunk and we didn't win a million bucks. Didn't make it to any shows. I didn't feel the wide-eyed wonder I experienced the first time I saw Vegas, which was in November of '94 before I left for basic training. Vegas is sprawling and whorish and garish, but I still love it. I love the dry heat and the miles of spastic neon. I love the signs advertising 99 cent shrimp cocktails, even though I don't eat shrimp cocktails. I love the fragile, horrible humanity. The sleazy humanity downtown and the clueless humanity on the Strip. What I do NOT love is the Disneyification of Las Vegas. Everyplace we went we bumped into yuppie parents and their 2.5 kids. Strollers and leashes included. Really, people...kids do not belong in a city where porn is passed out on every sidewalk. This one idiot told his son to stomp on the lewd flyers that were plastered all over the pavement. Really, that'll learn him. Uh...ever heard of Orlando, guy???

Kids were not allowed in the Vegas of Yesteryear. The old Vegas had a certain glamor to it. Women wore dresses and heels and men wore suits and ties. Champagne flowed and big bands played and whoa, dude...is that Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner eating caviar at that table near the stage?

Of course I've never seen the old Vegas...I've only read about it. But it must've been one helluva party. The new Vegas isn't all bad, though. I thoroughly enjoyed watching The Heroes, a Beatles imitation band, in the MGM. There was a long-haired bespectacled Lennon, an enthusiastic, unironic Paul McCartney, a grinning, big-nosed Ringo and...Jim Morrison on lead guitar??? Yep, I guess George Harrison was in Bangladesh. The Jim Morrison imitator cracked me up. He had the scowl and leer downpat. He was wearing a black shirt with red flames on it. It's hilarious imagining Jim Morrison grooving to "Eight Days a Week."

Hiked in the desert with Chris and his dad. His mom and sister stayed at the visitor's center. Saw a Joshua Tree, which was cool. I wanted to see Saguaro but those are in Arizona. It was a nice change of pace, being away from the ding ding ding of the casinos.

Saturday night Chris and I had an ugly fight. I took a long nap and then went all out getting ready for dinner. Kept his parents waiting downstairs at the Coyote Cafe. I know it was rude of me but I was exhausted and I had to look good my last night in town. Put on my new red dress and stiletto heels. After dinner I kept the dress, lost the heels. Walked down the Strip in my red dress and New Balance tennis shoes. Attracted a few quizzical stares, which is always thrilling. Laughed at the line of "Beautiful People" in line for Studio 54. I don't think Andy Warhol would've been impressed. At the REAL Studio 54, Cher was actually turned away once. I realize it was tacky and shallow as hell, but I admire the shameless hedonism and celebrity worship of the disco era. I was born way too late, I swear.

Circus Circus looks like a clown hangover or something. Like a clown took a bad acid trip and threw up his hotdog breakfast. Chris was scared. I was repulsed. If you've seen the scene in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," you know what I'm talking about. It's like that but without the comic relief.

Oh, Saturday night was a merry hell altogether and Sunday was pure purgatory. But we brought home some cool souvenirs, our magnet collection is more stellar than ever, and when we can afford to get our film developed it will be like Mardi Gras and Christmas and Easter in one. Oh! One night I felt bad for Chris because I made him walk all over the Strip so I bought him some surprises, including a pen that features a picture of a beautiful brunette in a black ink swimsuit. You turn it upside down and the swimsuit disappears.

Speaking of sex and how easily it sells, I'm almost famous thanks to swellaudio.com. When I was living in Austin I submitted some erotic poetry and prose to these local guys who advertised their website in Austin Chronicle. They were wOwed by my stuff and asked me to record it in the studio. I had moved to East Texas by that time so I wasn't able to record in the studio. But today I received my swellaudio.com t-shirt (says Stick it in Your Ear on the back!) and five cds..."Live Sex," "Indecent Behavior," "Sweet Lil' Road Scamp," "Fetish I" and "After Midnight," which features six of my poems. My name was spelled right but they put that I was born in '75. I wish! I'd much rather be a Rabbit than an Ox.

Oh! I hit it off with Chris's grandmother. She wants me to figure out her chart for her. All she knows is that she's a Virgo with Taurus Rising. Okay, that's all for now. Oh, one last thing. Caught the last few minutes of "Miss Teen USA" tonight. My cousin Holly's best friend, Kasi Kelly, won. Cool. I sat next to her at a dinner party once and interviewed her for the Bridgeport Index. She's a beautiful, statuesque brunette. The world is her oyster. The world is my ill-fitting pair of thong panties from Wal-Mart. I can't get a refund.