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By deevaa Date: 2001 Aug 06 Comment on this Work [[2001.08.06.17.58.2247]] |
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When words are all you have to rely on, they can be lifelines, but they can also be weapons. In relationships based on words, in relationships formed via the internet you don't have the reassurance of seeing your lovers eyes when they smile at you, you don't have those lingering glances, touch or embraces. This can make you dependant on hearing murmur's of endearment, or can lead in moments or uncertainty to her asking the online equivalent of "honey does my butt look big in these jeans?". When a woman asks this, she isn't asking if her butt looks big in those jeans, she is asking for reassurance that you find her attractive and that you love her no matter how big her butt looks. Of course we should know this. We should know that we are loved, without feeling the need to ask for reassurance -- but in times when you don't have the touch, and in times when both of you are busy all you can do is reach out. Past relationships have shaped me, and sometimes, because of this, I am be insecure. One thing I am not, however is needy. I reached out at a bad time, got an answer that made no sense to me, and so reached out again. I was wounded by the lack of a satisfactory response, wounded by sharp words and fully armed myself and headed into battle. I turned into an angry bee and started trying to find ways under his armour, and I did. I found a way in, a soft spot. I stung him. Wounded him with my words. And rightly or wrongly the wounded soldier has put down his weapons and walked away. I hurt someone I love with all of my heart, and now I've been asked to let go, and I have. I have done everything within my power not to. But now, all I can do is let go. I believe that within a relationship there are times when your lover will hurt you unintentionally. If your partner makes a mistake that hurts you, don't give up. It is time to give up when that partner does things intentionally to hurt you. When it is unintentional, if you don't forgive, then take time to heal, learn and then move on together, you'll never grow as a person, or as a couple. Heal, learn and grow - and you can't do that unless you take the hurt and understand it, taking the hurt and letting it overwhelm you will only build walls. I have learnt, and now I must let go and move on. Respecting his wishes is the only thing now that I can do. And so, I open my hand and let go. ...and so I let go. I go in peace. |