|
By sarahsehee Date: 2001 Oct 20 Comment on this Work [[2001.10.20.01.06.25024]] |
| Pangs that reverberate your body through and through. An aching so subtle that you have to stop walking in crisp, cold weather to realize that you're unhappy. Not unhappy, just...a little miserable. But it's all right. Life is good. Life is good because you have great friends and great people surrounding you. He loves you and you love him. And you're going to a prestigious school...two thousand miles away from him. So besides the occasional bouts of depression, life is good. Heavy sighing becomes a permanent part of your vocabulary and "I miss you" is never said anymore, it's just implied when there's a slight pause between you and him over the phone. But once in a while you say it anyway. He sleeps next to me in my dreams. Only on rare, special nights does his soul grace my unconscious. Those are wonderful nights, and when I wake up to find that I'm all alone, I force myself to go back to sleep. But it never works. Damn. Get up for class, get up for class, but no, I just lie there for another half hour thinking about him- his deep brown eyes and his hairy legs. They turn me on. And finally, I slump out of bed and into the bathroom to start yet another day of classes and studying. It hits me, "my life sucks." Damn. I wanna go home. I tell everybody I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss Florida even, but no... I just miss him. I tell him not to call me after he tells me about his long distance phone bill. We can just e-mail each other- the wonders of technology. But pouring out your soul to an unresponsive computer screen gets to you after a while. And even when I do get to hear his beautiful voice, I just think, "I am speaking into a piece of plastic with holes in it," but hey, at least I get a response, right? Life isn't bad; it's just without him. That's all. But all that is so much it seems. I miss him. But I've made some interesting friends, shouldn't that keep me occupied? I've met a Quaker; I've never known a Quaker. I've met a transgender girl; I mean boy, and several lesbians. I've met people who've traveled the world, and people from different parts of the world. It's quite exciting, you know? But did I mention how much I miss him? Oh, his name is Joshua. I realized the other day that his initials are JJK and my initials are SSC. We both have two of the same letters followed by K or C, which in many cases have the same sound. Isn't that interesting? I actually had time to think about this the other day. Well, I never have time to think about anything, but I was thinking about it during class. I was bored, ok? Yeah, I know, it's pathetic, but don't tell me you've never thought of anything as stupid and ridiculous as that? I have. I always do, I'll admit. Sure, I wouldn't announce my thoughts to the world, but I can think whatever I want thank you very much, and the only way I'll ever stop thinking about stupid things like that is when Ms. Cleo is actually sanctioned with the gift of clairvoyance. |