By dev0n
Date: 2001 Nov 17
Comment on this Work
[[2001.11.17.18.43.27551]]

the last time

i try not to think about it

you probably have even forgotten
thanks to the fact that i don't talk about it

i am good at hiding certain things

but the fact of the matter is:
    they didn't get it all.
    some of it still remains.

and just because the last time
i made it through surgery
    without scars

doesn't mean that i am not scarred.

and to think
that i will have to go through it again

the last time
it ended my relationship

directly, indirectly, does it matter?

what matters is that i wasn't able
to share it with someone else

my pain
and fears



the last time
i was scared
mostly for myself

but this time
    i am scared mostly for us

for the future

will our love be able to hold us together
when i am crying on my knees?
    when i am laying in our bed
    thinking about our unborn children

wondering if they will ever be born?


you know that i have never been in love before
not like this, not even close
and you'd think that was a blessing

usually it is

    but now -

will you want to be with me
if they find that they didn't get it all again?
if they find that my dreams of a family
will not include children?

    and even worse -

    will i be able to share this with you?