TWO HICKS FLOATING THE STYX

There was this here one year my old
sweety got really feverish and sick.
He got all morbid on me, and talked
about a last trip on some river "Styx."
You know me, I asked if I could fish it.
Durn old men hide sweet fishing holes
better than their lovers.

Dang, he gave me a buzzard look!
Then called me a super-hick.
Tackle box ready, I still wanna know,
are there any good fish in this "Styx?"

Then the next winter I got real sick,
and he dragged out that old "Styx" map --
something he'd sneaked and been a fixin'.
"To find my way on this river," he grinned.

Then he plotted some fake course,
until I threatened a real divorce!
But then I agreed a fishing vacation
might just well be the best fix!

Not to be outdone, I slipped out,
and went to the local bait store.
Over a soda, I asked if they had
a cheap guide for the river Styx?

Got quiet enough to hear a mouse fart.
Not a soul coughed for over a minute,
and then old Howard Lee ventured,
"Maggie, are you really that sick?"

I told Howard my old bones were tired.
That a good float on a river might help.
Man never cracked a smile, just a beer.
I told him I had my skillets ready.

Howard Lee just looked out at my Jeep
and asked, "How much for the heap?"
I'm afraid I insulted his offer to trade,
not accepting the green fifty ricks.

Then I asked him again 'bout the Styx.
And, Howard and JoeDavid up and left.
Even Ole Good Grinder slipped out
when I stared his direction.

I couldn't believe the nerve of these hicks!
I'd cooked for them all, and
helped herd their cows in the fall.
I'd lost count of their flats I fixed!

This must be some great fishing hole!
So, I cornered young One-eyed Rick.
I offered him time on my husband's tractor
and a hank of some chewing tobaccy,
a tub o' grits and bushel of taters,
and three frog-leg dinners, and a jug of
my best 'shine for him to point
the direction to the Styx ...
and he just twitched!

My sweety loves me real well,
but he came real close to me
leaving him next when he looked
right at me and explained carefully
that what I was asking asking about
was a float trip to hell!
WELL, Sweety! -- D-E-L-I-V-E-R ME!
He backed outta that bait shop -- carefully.

Well, this got me real hot at them all,
when I thought he was even in on it.
To keep me from their best fishing hole?
I lowered my voice real soft and wished
him and Old Blue and the hens
a comfortable night in the barn loft.

Then midnight came to the holler
and I missed his warm backside, so up
to the barn I went with some 'shine and
made a play at this hick from the sticks.
One way or another I've baited my hook
for a float trip and fishing on the Styx.

We had such a good time in the barn
with the 'shine and a big old candle
that we almost burned it down
but afore the night was all done
I had my sweety hollering his love
and the way to that old river Styx!

(c) 2002 Maggie Mink aka Rennie Lorca

Sorry guys, Halloween's dress-em-up pretty night out in the sticks. Count Vlad (Dracula) and the Mummy can't never navigate the cars on blocks and the wringer washer on the porch to knock on our door for Trick or Treat with us ... :(