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By RainbowChaser Date: 2002 Sep 27 Comment on this Work [[2002.09.27.13.42.27718]] |
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Would you hide me? Would you keep me safe from pain and harm? If I asked you nicely, would you do that for me? Am I special enough to deserve your special consideration? How do I make you feel? I hope that when you see me that you get this irresistible urge to just smile that is probably the best compliment to get from someone because how do you fake a spontaneous smile? If I could I would hide in a big tree until next year and then I would wake up and deal with life's issues that have remained Or I would just pack up my bags and leave for a couple of months clear up my mind, and then find out what my fucking problem is But I can't hide I have the lsat on Saturday I have classes to bring up I have classes to attend Not only that, but I have sorority meetings and pre-law meetings and I have to decide what law school I have to go to No one else can make that decision for me It's so scary to realze that my future is before me and that I can fuck it up with one random, wrong move There is so much pressure Pressure breathes on the back of my neck, like a predator waiting for me to fail But I know better than that I can't fail, I NEVER fail, and I will not start now Call me a perfectionist, an idealist, a dreamer But I am what I am I long for the day when nothing looms on my calendar to torment me but those days are few and far between what's really sad is that even when they occur, I feel a constant desire to run my life away to eat up every free minute of free time, so that I don't have to think Why is thinking freely such a big sin? Why am I so afraid of silence Why am I afraid of being alone What would happen if for once, I had a day for me, with no schedule, no restrictions, no guilt If I could somehow escape from my reality for a year and wake up to find that all the major decisions in my life have been made for me would I be happy then? would the future tie itself up neatly like a fairy tale What happens if I decide to hop on a plane to California and never find my way back Where would i be then? Would I be lonely Would people even miss me What would happen to my family Would I even find it in my heart to return home WOuld my problems follow me Would I only be more miserable why is it that I don't have a connection to my home, like everyone else Why Do I have itchy feet Why do I long to know all the world's secrets at the age of 21 I am so curious, that I can't stand just sitting still I am such a freeloving, curious spirit, that to remain in Indiana would surely suffocate me There is a song that says you can only experience so much in a lifetime But i want to defy rules, I want to know what everything is life to experience all that this world has to offer I have an unquenchable thirst, and undeniable hunger for knowledge that leaves me unfulfilled Tell me where I am meant to go Make it happen for me Where do i belong? Ohio, Louisiana, Louisville, St. Louis, California, New York? Or do I not belong in any of these I dread the answer please don't tell me that I am destined to spend eternity in Indiana I don't mean to leave you all behind I love you so much that it pains me to think of life without you But the fact remains, that I am a free person now, I have no restrictions and although I may fear what lies ahead, the truth is that you can't stop what is meant to happen Time is like a fast moving locomotive It stops for no one, and it offers no explanations for its actions Time controlls everything, and time calls me to other adventures, other locations Wherever I go, you are always going to be in my heart Like my mami used to say, we all make up a unique patch on another person's quilt of life You have all done that for me but there are other people that I must meet, before it comes time for my quilt to be complete Although, our time together was short, in truth the experiences we shared will be with me for a lifetime and beyond Don't cry, don't stress over me I know that I am doing what I am meant to do I have always felt that I was destined for great things, and I hope you have felt the same for me believe in me, like you have always done, I will never let you down If there comes a time, when our paths meet again We will engage in conversation, laughter, and a smile recalling how it started so long ago and how we truly are in each other's stars Until then, I long to know that you are alright I long to know that you still believe in me, that I am still in your prayers, in your thoughts You will always be a part of my life...and a part of my heart that will remain untouched Hopefully when you think of me..you'll smile..recalling that I truly am a unique individual Each of us have enriched our lives by knowing each other WE have taken our knowledge and expanded it taken our prejudices and obliterated them, if only a little but most of all, when there were bad times, we laughed about them Time is also one of life's greatest gifts, and fate is one of man's only true friends Fate leads you on a path that keeps you excited and keeps you alive wondering what will happen to you next there's no way to conquer life but to live it, so that's what i am bound and determined to do. Wish me luck..wherever my path may be headed. |