By RainbowChaser
Date: 2002 Oct 10
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[[2002.10.10.15.08.442]]

I'm so lonely

I'm so lonely
like some old cliche
I seek to push the sadness and loneliness away
but it lingers like the scent of bad cologne

It bothers me to realize that there is so much that I always seem to overlook
They say that loneliness flocks to birds of the same
People flock to me to share their bad experiences
but my heart is so light that it can't handle the strain

I feel sick at my stomach when I get in situations like these
and then I must fill this void with food
which leads to me having to exorcise the demons within me
those who remind me that too much food will lead to my ultimate demise

Why do I put up with this?
why in the Hell are there only songs about love?
What does love mean anyway
I'm never going to be in love again, it hurts so much, i feel like my heart is being shattered by a sledgehammer

the only escape that provides the most relief is working out
when i work out i allow my mind to count
counting keeps my mind full, without spilling over into my actual consciousness
just like drinking water keeps your stomach full, without the calories

Why is my head full of this useless information
when did my whole life's composition consist of food, calories, and burning calories
when did my body become so run down that all i want to do is lie in bed, and not wake up
i pray each day that i will wake up in another dream, another scenario to a better day

Forgive me, but I don't want you
Forgive me, but you don't make me happy
No one makes me happy anymore, i feel like i've reached the abominable abyss
the abyss where no one escapes, because their weakness is so much stronger, and their strength takes a vacation

It hurts me to realize that so many people care about me, but I've committed the largest sin known to man
I lied about my emotions to two of the most important people in my life
now I am being punished by losing both of them simultaneously
god, this is so painful

Why must you take him away from me now?
Why did you take ths other person away from me?
I gnash my teeth and bang my head until they bleed, but no relief is achieved
instead I feel like a hamster in the cage of life without any escape

Would being perfect make me happy?
DO others see beyond my facade to realize that I am the most unconfident, unhappy woman to roam this Earth
jill sobule had it just right..our heroes are so imperfect, yet their false mask of happiness is all that we see
despite their skillful depictions of what unhappiness feels like

My frustrations and desire are so insignificant right now
I don't belong here, I can't wait for this year to be over
I'm so lonely, but I can't place my finger on the reasons why
Ever notice, loneliness is greatest when you're surrounded by people?