By RainbowChaser
Date: 2003 Feb 17
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[[2003.02.17.10.49.25277]]

Too Late

Somehow you stepped into my life when I needed you
you brought me a brief moment of happiness
you took all my strength
and left me weakly hanging on

you asked for my friendship
promised a reunion
left me hopefully battling your surge in mood and emotion
knowing that the end result would be worthwhile

do you ever feel as if you are using me
to build up your own arsenal of strength
are you sincere when you recount your failure at fetching me the moon or a vw bug
does her desperation make you as ill as it makes me

did it rip your heart out to see my admiring eyes focused on another
did unstoppable, hot tears trickle down your defeated cheek
were you at once aware all that you stand to lose
my love is a wonderful gift, that you're on the verge of losing and never regaining

all the times you've made me cry are replaced in my mind
by the way we made love
all the times you've screamed at me are replaced by
your heartbeat echoing in my ear as you shield me from pain and danger

you will never know how you've shattered my spirit
but still i've held on, believing that your pain was too great to hold you responsible for your selfish actions
i've refused to give up on anyone
how could i give up on the man that i love more than the world

there is another who could love me more
provide me with all that you lack
and love me without disrespecting me or putting me down
i'm in a quicksand of indecision

i must make up my mind or slowly drive myself insane
have all my breath sucked out of me mercilessly
unless i can come to some resolution
the reality of the situation is more ugly than the illusion i'd have played in my mind

in my dreams, i tell you that it's too late
that the sight of you makes me ill
that you've fucked up one too many times
and that i must think of myself, and drop that thing which i don't need:  YOU

it's too late to proclaim that you'll never hurt me
you've done it so many times, so skillfully
it's too late to tell me that you'll never lie to me
you've lied to my heart so many times, that i'm suprised it's not stopped beating

what made you change your mind about me
in the span of a day, you did a 180, and decided to let me go in your heart, but watch me dangle like a fly in a spider's web
your web is so much more toxic
the damage you've done can never be undone

it's too late to try and woo me
i've seen your ugly side
but somehow i love you so much
that i can't turn my back on you and tell you it's too late

the most maddening part:  the way you proclaim your digust for me, but won't let me go
you think I'm your possesion
you snoop through my things, you put me down, you build me up, and most of all you use my heart to make yourself feel better
yet you give me nothing in return

the day you begged for me
i should have turned away
as you've done so many times
and told you it's too late, but somehow i believe for you...it's better late than never