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By Dana Date: 2003 Apr 02 Comment on this Work [[2003.04.02.13.09.16453]] |
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It was a beautiful, sunny, warm day and my boys wanted to go outside and play. After putting some of their toys outside on the porch, and by putting, I mean opening the door wide enough to get the toy out and closing it, I managed to make it out the door with my children and nothing more than a book and the phone in my hand. I sat down and looked at my book. Now, just so we're on the same page, I'm not reading the book, I'm just looking at it. I'm trying to read it but, I can't. I look at my children many times and then back at the book. Back to the children, back to the book. I cannot concentrate. While I'm looking at my children and at my book, I'm actually scoping for bees. Yes, I am terrified of bees. I have what is called apiphobia: fear of bees. I cannot concentrate on anything accept whether or not there is a bee within a mile of me. So, I scope out the area, praying that the boys will get bored and want to go back in, while, not really, looking at or reading my book. I have trouble just getting the mail because a bee may fly by. If anything flies by me that could be a bee, I panic and run indoors. If I just hear a bee, I panic. Many, many people I know think I'm crazy because of this. I'm not crazy, I have a phobia. Supposedly, everyone has one phobia so why is mine crazy? So, I'm watching the neighbors kids play basketball with absolutely no concern whether or not there is a bee on the ball or on their shoulder and it finally happens. I see a bee. I race to the kids, snatch them up, run inside and close the door before the bee, whose not even paying any attention to me, can get in. So the boys were playing nicely and now they're yelling, screaming, crying and mad at me while I am still in a panic. I've ruined outdoor time again because of my fear of bees. Well, it makes me more miserable than it makes them but I can't help it. To me, the fact that I went outside at all was a big step and I plan to continue to try, however hard it may be. I hear that if you have a phobia, your children can eventually adopt it so I plan on trying to have some outdoor time everyday, for myself, more than for my children, because I don't want them to grow up with a fear of bees for no apparent reason like their mommy. Whether it be 2 minutes a day or 10 hours a day, I'm hoping that by the end of the summer, I'll be over my fear of bees with some help, of course, from my book, the neighbors kids, and the lock on my door. |