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By CordovaGirl Date: 2003 Jun 03 Comment on this Work [[2003.06.03.22.02.1914]] |
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So I'm standing in the coffee place at the corner of Lancaster and Fifth, with no idea why cause I hate coffee and crowded rich places. Maybe cause I figure hey, I know the outside well enough, better find out what's inside. And I'm looking around seeing all these intellectual normals discussing democrats and sushi bars and stock plunges, when I hear this girl's voice behind me ask if I need help with anything. This voice was absolutely amazing, like a line read in the Sunday comics that somehow makes so much sense to someone's life that they have to write it down on a scrap piece of paper and tape it to their wall for inspiration every damn morning. So anyway, I turn around and say yeah, I definitely need help lady, but it has nothing to do with coffee, and I'm standing in front of this gorgeous girl behind the counter with this incredible thin pink mouth. About 5'5, dirty blond hair tied up in a messy bun with the sides clinging to her face, which reminded me of some of my morning-afters. So after I said what I said, she just smiles and asks me if I wanna try the house blend. Just the smell of coffee makes me want to vomit, but she wants me to drink it, so I take a sip. Of course it was disgusting, but I knew I needed to get used to it cause I would be in here every damn day now. I wanted her badly, but I didn't just want a piece. Nah, she seemed real to me, not one of those fake sluts my therapist warns me to stay away from. I even told him how special this chick is, how she got me to drink coffee, and you know how much I hate coffee. So everyday I get there exactly at 12, and it gets to where she has the house blend waiting for me. She has Wednesdays off, so I don't bother coming in. She loves to talk. For three hours she talked about how busy it's been, how excited she is to be graduating from NYU in a couple months, and how her and her boyfriend are moving to Colorado, cause he's got good contacts there or some shit like that. What does he have that I don't? Except her. I only stay about three hours, I don't want her to think that I don't have a life, although I don't; lately my life is starting to revolve around her instead of me. I just want to hear her talk, about all the great things going on in her life, how she just re-wallpapered her living room, about how some guy today gave her shit for something the cappuccino machine screwed up. I swear we talk about the most random things sometimes. Like the other day, we got into this conversation about Rubik's cubes. I could never figure the damn thing out. She told me she had one too, and had it almost perfect once but one square was off, so she had to start completely over. She said it was one of her goals back then, to finally solve it and be the one people thought were so smart. She thinks she still has it somewhere. I bet those cubes are the reason I'm so messed up now. One day I'm sitting there, and she isn't saying much. I figure she's worried about graduating, so I let her alone. I just watch her pour coffee and wipe the messy blond strands from her eyes. Then she looks up at me, and asks me why I never talk about my life, why I never vent about my problems. In the four months I've been drinking this coffee, I never once mentioned anything about my life, mostly cause I didn't feel I needed to. I didn't want her to realize what a damn idiot I was. I couldn't have a lifetime with her, this coffee shop was the only thing I could ever have of her, and I didn't belong at any part of it. This was her life, not mine. Telling her about my pointless problems would have just been out of place here. After a while I said, "I didn't want to ruin the moment." I don't know what happened after that, but she didn't ask me anymore questions. The next day, she was gone. That was it. The new girl behind the counter tells me her and her boyfriend were moving to Colorado first thing on Monday. She said to tell me she was really sorry, but she had thought about what I had said, and realized saying goodbye would have ruined the moment for her too. So, she was gone. I still come in every day for three hours, and have my house blend. I imagine her standing in front of me, telling me how busy it was, and how she just bought curtains to match the olive green tile in her kitchen. I actually thought she might come back in to tell me she broke up with that stupid boyfriend of hers, but never did. I didn't really expect her too, but she should have. I even stopped going to my therapist. I sit and think about how she likes Colorado, and if that stupid bastard of hers is treating her right. I wonder what goes through her mind when she thinks about me, cause I know she does. She probably thinks I don't come in anymore. She'll come back someday, just to see if I'm still here. And she'll tell me she found that damn Rubik's cube and finally figured that shit out. Then I'll feel a hell of a lot better that she finally solved it for the both of us. |