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By CordovaGirl Date: 2003 Oct 27 Comment on this Work [[2003.10.27.20.25.23017]] |
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My cat has the best ideas in the world. As I write this, he's currently half-curled up on my dirty tile floor, finding some sort of inane coziness next to my CD holder. And he's smiling. Some days I want that, I want the feeling of inane coziness on a dirty tile floor, laying there knowing I have no bills to pay, because I don't care and even if I needed bills, someone else would be paying them. He did need a bill by the way, he was neutered, and I feel bad about that, but then I realized he's an inside cat, and won't ever get the chance to fully express his mating tendencies, unless he ever got out, and I doubt he will...even if he did, the female would be pissed, he's shooting blanks now. I wonder if he's missing out sometimes, how he would feel having a companion. Although in the feline world, I doubt relationships would be as psychotic as the human race's are. But I'm sure there's stress. But right now, he doesn't have any, which is obvious b/c if he was stressed, he wouldn't be laying on the floor right now, smiling. And I want to know what he dreams. Because I'm sure it's nothing we could ever imagine, and it's probably black and white, but I bet it's some interesting dreaming. Once in a while he twitches around, a declawed paw flings into the air to bat away some imaginary something, and then he goes back to the silent place he was before. Sometimes he'll wake up, and plod over to our windowsill overlooking a shaded tourist street, and watch everything unfolding in his black and white mind. I wonder if he would feel different about those same trees, cars and people if they had red added to them. Or brown. Or teal. I know I would feel different about a person wearing teal. Ick. I wonder if he wants to be out there, or if he's happy being where he is now, in the same ritual everyday, or if his dreams resemble something I'll never be able to give him, or he'll never experience, because he's always inside. He seems happy enough, he has plenty of food, water, sleeping areas, and outside excitement to the point where he doesn't complain. But somedays, after having a coffee, I silently walk over to him on his windowsill, sit next to him, and watch in color what he watches. Most of the time he gets pissed off that i'm in his space, but every so often he lets me enjoy it with him, and I wonder if I'm breathing and seeing in every sense he is. I wonder if he thinks I'm living a boring life, and in turn stares outside to what he would be living if he had a chance. Some days I take him to our porch balcony, holding him and letting him see it sans the dirty screen. Usually he's extremely calm, smelling the air and closing his eyes in sheer bliss of the sea breeze. Maybe, who knows, he might be smelling the pizza place down the block. But once he starts wriggling to get free, I bring him inside, and I watch him go right back to the screen door and stare, wanting to be back out there amid the city air. There have been many times I've wanted to see if I let him wriggle free, if he would keep plodding outside into the polluted streets amid the historic district or come back to the door wanting inside again. Or maybe he'd plod to someone else's house, and live a life that's more exciting than the mundane one he had with me. And I would hope he was happy. And that he had a windowsill he could experience the outside with again, if he needed to. Maybe they would make him an outside cat, so he wouldn't need a windowsill. Who knows. Maybe he really is content with where he is. Every night when I go to bed, like clockwork he jumps up, lays down on my chest and lays his head right on the base of my neck and falls asleep, smiling. It would be better if he was my boyfriend, but hey I take all the cuddling I can get lol. Maybe that's his way of telling me he's happy in his mundane life, away from all the chaos of a regular career-oriented lifestyle. He'd rather be snoozing with me, or staring out a dirty screen at the life he might like to experience someday. Maybe it's his way of saying GOOD LORD GET YOURSELF A MAN, or maybe it's just that he feels safe with me. I know at some point my mundane life will turn more exciting than it is now, and I'll find the right man to take his place every night cozied up with me. Who knows. Maybe I'll end up just being the crazy cat lady. All I know, is that for right now until that exciting life comes, my windowsill is enough to keep him happy, and that goes for the both of us. |