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By darwin Date: 2004 Jan 07 Comment on this Work [[2004.01.07.18.30.16759]] |
| I remember that I couldn't wait for that one moment before I left you. That moment when I realized that my freedom was inevitable, if only for a weekend. I waited for that long drive, where the only thing I would have between me and you was space. A vast expanse of miles. I looked forward to putting in Counting Crows, or else the 2 disc set from Les Miserables. I would sing along, and feel as if every lyric was somehow written for us. I could feel my breath grow shallow and my hearts pace would quicken. I could feel tears welling when I realized that all I felt for you was responsibility. A sense of maternal instinct to help you through a tough time, rather than love. I wasn't living my life with you, rather I was closeted against reality and everything that was going to be offered to me. I would hear Long December, and think over the past year. The years when I couldn't stop crying because you were in pain. When I tried to help you and I couldn't help myself. I learned a lot during those months. I learned my strength, and what I could take. I learned that being on my own wasn't so bad, being alone was this new thing worth exploring. At first it was only weekends, I fooled myself into thinking. Weekends where I would go see my family, and I wouldn't want to come back. Maybe a month later I left you. I haven't looked back since, now years later. There weren't any more butterflies left fo you. They had flown away with any sense of feeling or love I might have had for you. But unlike the song, each year has been better than the |