This is ridiculous. This is seriously ridiculous. Every time we make plans, you cancel on me -- ever since that night, which I regret greatly, btw. You made it clear that things between us had changed since that night, but I never realized how much things have changed. I don't know if you've noticed, but you've been the one to start most of our IM convos. It's hard to be friends with you. Not just because of my feelings, but because of the way you seem to treat your friends -- or maybe it's just the way you treat me. It's always been that way, hasn't it? You wanted to "get over" S. I'm sure you've accomplished that. You said "I don't want a relationship right now with anyone and by anyone I mean you." You had to hide me from S. because "if she knew that the girl I was with this weekend was you, she'd go nuts." You crafted up a little lie so that you'd look OK in her and everyone else's eyes -- so that you wouldn't step on anyone's toes by hanging out with me that weekend. You never think of others, do you? You always make sure that your ass is OK and that you're happy before you even think of looking towards others. You take for granted the fact that a lot of people put their asses out there for you and would gladly give themselves to you. But if it isn't to your liking (regardless of if it's good/the right thing for you), you dismiss it. I could promise you now and also a week ago that our relationship would be like Friday night. I enjoyed it -- learning about you, sharing things with you, remembering things with you. Obviously we weren't on the same wavelength because "things changed" for you that night. I wish I knew what changed, but trying to know what's going on with you is like trying to pull teeth from an unmedicated bear. So over Thanksgiving I gave up. I no longer care what you're thinking or how you're feeling. I don't see why I should, you'd never tell me anyway. So I hope things go well between you and R. I don't think you deserve it, and I never will. When you two break up, I hope she has enough common sense to cease communication with you -- I didn't. I hope things end up working out for you as you need and that one day you'll accept the fact that this'll be the last time we talk. I know I won't think back. I'm not sure you've noticed (What am I talking about? Of course you haven't.), but friendships mean a lot to me. It takes a lot to be my friend and it takes a lot for me to end a friendship. I don't have time for people who consider me as "just another friend." I am a great person who has a lot to offer - friendship or more. You'd never know that because you've never tried to understand it. It's easier to say you want to be friends with me than it is to actually do it. Matt was right -- you only need me when things go wrong in your life (S. dumping you), but when things go "perfectly" for you again (meeting R. - or anyone who "isn't me"), I get brushed aside. I don't like being a secret and I don't like being pushed to the side or the background. That's not how I treat my friends and that's not how I expect my friends to treat me. But I guess you never really considered me a friend, did you? You just got in touch with me to ease your own conscience. Admit it. It's bothered you for a year that you went nuts on me and ended our friendship/relationship and now you have a chance to make things right -- "repenting" for the pain you put me through because you're in "pain" with the S. situation. Take comfort in the fact that you're not the one who ended it this time. I know it won't bother me. For me this is just karma coming back to bite you in the ass. It's a shame that I'm the one who has to do it -- but you'll find someone else to latch onto. I just hope that R. is strong enough to deal with your shit.

"I have wasted thousands and thousands of kisses on you. Kisses I thought were special because of your eyes and your smile and your lips and all your color and life. I thought that was the real you when you smiled. Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed so tight." (That Thing You Do)