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By redplasticroses Date: 2005 Mar 06 Comment on this Work [[2005.03.06.10.09.13440]] |
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Please tell me again And again And again HOW is it you walked out of the hospital The night our first child was born And in the five days that followed Never once picked up the phone to call Or showed up How it is your best friend knew You would not come or call He sent me flowers You did not As you know, the flowers are not the issue here The issue is, you told your friends you would Not come Not call But never bothered to tell me Your wife How is it just the night before the delivery You stood grasping onto me for dear life Worried I would die in childbirth or Our son would not be healthy An emergency C-section delivered A beautiful baby boy During the night he developed breathing problems And was sent to intensive care Yes, I know you were not aware of that You were not answering a phone Nor did you come How is it you felt justified Abandoning not only me But your newborn infant son Then had the nerve to tell me You knew it would hurt me But you did it anyway Knowing I would be torn Between the delight of our son And the anguish over your behavior As I became the "married unwed mother" How do I stop Carly Simon from singing Over and over "And what shall we do with the child Who's got your eyes My hair And your smile Reminding me that we fell in love But just for a little while" It haunts me day and night I'm sure it doesn't even occur to you. How is it when you drove us home You had no conversation No eye contact No emotion As I was an emotional mess Trying to sort out who this stranger was In the body of my husband How is it you could pull into our garage And announce to me, "There you go" As if you were a taxi driver dropping me off At the curb of my life on Hell Street Never bothering to help lift anything As you watched me struggle with post-op pain And carry the baby in You proclaim you are leaving, going to work I stand there with tears in my eyes This is nothing like the movies I watch you go, not knowing If my real husband will ever return For I am much too numb to understand What was happening to us Without a word I watched you leave In the blink of an eye This man that you've become Who is now a parent Is a total stranger to me How do I explain to my mother WHY you never called or showed She holds our son as I have a well-deserved cry Sobbing and searching for answers That would never, ever come How do I comfort my mother Who has tears running down her face To think of you treating me this way Smugly acknowledging it hurt me Never apologizing or Offering an explanation. How do I explain to my soul that This hurt would never heal but it would One day fade into the background As other hurts piled on top of it Until my heart was shattered Beyond repair, beyond hope Beyond the scope of prayer Yet I survived in silence Through the birth of another child And emotionally moved on To a place were you could Never again touch my heart Or hurt me Now I explain to my heart and soul We are divorced And now, we start to live In a world where you are no longer welcome In a world where you don't exist JMT (c) 2005 This is a beautiful song - I knew it before I was married, never dreamed it would ever pertain to me. Sigh. What Shall We Do With the Child Lyrics: (holmes/horsey, additional lyrics by carly simon) I know I'm not what you wanted Not what you had in mind And I didn't come close To the mark you'd set For the girl you'd planned to find You've never seen me cry We shared but idle words And a casual goodbye And what shall we do with the child Who's got your eyes My hair And your smile Reminding me that we fell in love But just for a little while You never asked about the girl you never knew And while she was sleeping in my arms She never asked about you Without you seems the only way But time has passed and now She'll soon be asking questions And she'll ask about you And how Shall I say to the child Who's got your eyes, my hair, your smile Reminding me that we fell in love But just for a little while What shall we do with the child Who's got your eyes, my hair, your smile |