|
By aparajita Date: 2005 Jul 02 Comment on this Work [[2005.07.02.13.04.9876]] |
|
for 11 years now i've safeguarded my heart from this pain. the pain of loneliness can't even compare to this bittersweet angst of being in love and feeling yet again what a broken heart does to the soul. two years ago we danced. and i felt you. desired and wanted to devour you. mostly, i fell in love with you. right then. i also knew you had felt me too. desired and wanted to devour me. it couldn't happen. too many complications. since then all i've dreamed of was a kiss to remember too. just a simple kiss, yet, knowing deep inside that kissing you would not be a simple thing at all. you went away into death's path over there. and survived to come home. yes, there are still complications, and yes, i understand your reality even more than you think. been there done it twice on the flip side. so, i get it. however, feasting upon the site of you reincarnated in front of me, able to touch you and know you are safe, listening to you saying most of the things i've kept hidden for two years now before i could even share my mirroring thoughts with you... it's like you knew what i've been bursting to say and you actually said them first. this time you did kiss me. and oh my GOD how you did kiss me. i've never ever been that thoroughly kissed in my entire 42 years of life. you held me and spake nectar in my ears. it's been a long lonely time waiting to hear a man say those things to me after 11 years. and, i told you that even if nothing ever happens past that point you'd already fulfilled most of my fantasies of you that i've had this time to dream of. i don't like this weakness. i can't take this vulnerability. i am not able to withstand the rejection i feel now that you didn't show up even though i know it was for the best. i'm discovering that a broken heart hurts just as badly at 42 as it did at 16. and, that though men may say what they mean, they don't always mean all that they say. but, in all fairness neither did i when i said i wouldn't let you hurt me. and, it all sucks. |