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By redplasticroses Date: 2005 Aug 25 Comment on this Work [[2005.08.25.02.38.32257]] |
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Quiet Moments It's here in the quiet moments, late at night, when the small voice talks, and the voice of the quiet God appears. It's here, alone except for the crickets, when I weep, when the hurts of the day boil deep within me. Some tears, my droplets of strength, fall on the outside and are slowly swept away, without a trace...but it's the tears that fall on the inside, on the soul, that stay with me ...that eat me alive when silence surrounds me, when the walls come tumbling down, when the bee stings...when I sit with myself in the dark, reflecting on all that I've needed and all that I've lost. When I find myself lost in a time warp, wondering why death takes away those we love, wondering why they have to suffer and who suffers most? Those who endure the pain or we, who cannot do anything to ease it, or absorb it, or love it away. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. I hurt tonight. My soul bleeds as I search the night sky for the trail of my friend's path to heaven. Damn the clouds. Damn life's pain. Damn the disease that ate her alive while the world looked on, unable to stop it. Damn the scientists who put a man on the moon but can't alleviate human suffering, don't talk to me about Mars or Jupiter, talk to me about life and what you are contributing to it. Damn the void this has left in my life. Am I angry? You bet. We treat our ailing animals more humanely. We rally around them, we hold them and caress them tenderly, people are not uncomfortable when tears get the best of us. But when we have a loved one nearing death, we back away, increase our "personal space", fearful of being reminded of our own mortality. Because we are fearful of the pain, or lack of emotion, fearful of dying an unlived life, fearful of not knowing how to live. Fearful of dying without love or having been loved. Fearful of being witness to their last breath. Fearful of missing their last breath. We hold and examine our fears in the silence of the night, when we are alone, when no one else can see or judge us. It is these moments, when, if we are honest with ourselves, we need to find the warmth of another in some way, some form. No more ranting to you tonight. The silence on your end just reminds me that many a best friend lives on a one-way street or has "business hours" hours, when they are open... and tonight I am alone, in need of a best friend and the world is a lonely place. |