|
By darwin Date: 2005 Sep 17 Comment on this Work [[2005.09.17.06.40.6574]] |
| i write of you now, years later. years after you said goodbye and went the miles away for another bed. and i can't remember your details anymore, the ones i could recall in seconds when asked. but now i just remember how you always shut the door when you showered, shutting me out and shutting you in. but then you would emerge, with the steam still clinging to your pale skin. and your red curls hanging in your face. you would smile when you saw me, and that smile that made me believe again. and i did believe you, and you said you almost loved me. and now i think of you years later, years and men and a marriage later. maybe he reminded me of you, but another man touched me on sunday, and he had your face and he had your personality and hurt me again to think of you, and to see you again. and i wonder where you are, and if i am still on your mind, more then 3 years after the fact. i drove past the vietnamese restaurant we ate at, the one i found in a bad part of town so you could have your favorite food. and we sat and smoked natural spirit while eating panfried noodles. later we went home, and made love to each other, and there was always this intensity, like time was coming, the moment where we break apart and i keep rememebering you years later, and hating the name cecily anytime i hear it. but i nobody is named cecily so i'm spared from the pain. and now my marriage is kind of rocky, and i wonder about true love and whether it's permanance is something that exists. perhaps another urban myth we like to play at, and hope for. tonight i had a conversation about passion, about that spark, about knowing and being spoiled knowing for the rest of our life. and i love him, i love him still through our wedded unblissful moments. but sometimes i wonder of life, and where i would be if i had the college degree, and i would have joined the peace corps. maybe i'll just continue to live in memories, and in fantasy, but the hope is leaving. hope is something to be hoped for, but rarely found. |