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By Abogada Submitted by abogadalbny Date: 2006 Mar 15 Comment on this Work [[2006.03.15.20.06.6343]] |
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It used to feel like so many things Mostly guilt and regret The kind they say Catholics have, I guess, or so I've heard anyway. I remember telling my second lover that sex to me was like chocolate cake: I wanted it and I had it But after I was left with that heavy caloric regret Bloated and unsatisfied. The years brought many other flavors-- The months with the international business man from Argentina twice my age-- Who introduced me to pisco sour and other exciting intoxications That took away my inhibitions And didn't make me bloated or regretful at all. Instead, I'd wake up naked, half-covered in salt and lime And giggle at the thought of my freedom And cringe at the reality of my loneliness again. Then, fast on the heels of 30, I rushed into marriage I was in love, I suppose, but mostly in fear of that loneliness that stalked me through my twenties. I remember telling him that I "just wanted to feel forever." But forever doesn't start at 10 pm on a Thursday night in Las Vegas And it usually lasts more than 4 months. It used to feel like so many things-- I yearned for a time when it wouldn't hurt anymore I wished for a world where I could separate sex and love And every man didn't steal a part of my soul. And now it feels like nothing And I haven't really hurt in years. |