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By Abogada Submitted by abogadalbny Date: 2006 May 06 Comment on this Work [[2006.05.06.21.35.5643]] |
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I decided to take a long drive tonight--especially through Old Town, my favorite place here. As soon as I pull together my first million, I am definitely buying something over there! (Yes, that was a joke--sort of!) I put off driving back to Ohio this morning--mostly due to a bad hangover that I played off to my parents as a bad cold. I think my Mom probably knew the truth, but she let it go, which was nice of her. I opened the bottle of wine believing that I'd only have one glass. I kept drinking partly because I am nervous about going back home to have this surgery--afraid it will turn out to be cancer as they'd originally thought, even though I know in my heart that can't be true. The other reason I kept drinking was because it is May. I think everybody close to me knows the way I hate the month of May--especially this May, which would have been my five year wedding anniversary with James. I never had any doubt we'd make it to five years, of fifty, for that matter. I got married to stay married forever. My brother and the West Virginia stripper took off that same weekend and got married. The stripper later said that she knew her marriage to my brother would outlast "the big-time attorney's marriage to the rich asshole pilot," as she affectionately referred to us. I hate it every May--but especially this one--that she was right about that. (Ya like apples? Yeah, me neither--) Old Town was gorgeous, as usual. Also as usual, I was jealous of all the happy couples walking the brick streets, hand-in-hand, and I wondered why I have to date guys who think I don't deserve to be treated as nice. The more successful I've become, the worse men have treated me. Sometimes I hate it so much, I almost want to go back to selling lipstick at the mall, just so a guy will be sweet to me again. I don't know what it is, but these days, I lose most of these guys at "hello," or slightly before. Anyway, I had some old CD's in the car that I found with some things from my move from New York. I decided to play the Dixie Chicks "Fly" CD. And when "Let Him Fly," came on, it nearly took my breath away. I realized I hadn't listened to it since that god-awful, cold, bitter winter of 2002, when I was going through the divorce. I remember how much the song reminded me of James--ever the pilot--and how much it hits my soul about deciding to just "let him fly." As if there could ever be a more appropriate song for my marriage and divorce. That sure is it. The lyrics are posted separately. I actually got married in the same wedding chapel in Vegas where lead singer Natalie Manes got married. Her marriage didn't last much longer than mine. Britney Spears also got married there to her "24 hour husband." I really don't recommend that chapel! So this one is for the good things that came out of all that pain: my love of flying, the strength that turned me into a better lawyer than I ever thought I could be, and my belief that I will someday feel love again. |