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By darwin Date: 2006 Aug 04 Comment on this Work [[2006.08.04.16.45.479]] |
| i've mistaken hands and hips for love and faith. the twist and sigh that emits when moved a certain way. i have failed to realize that over the years youth falls and away and experience is found. whether through the wisdom you find in heartbreak, through the scars formed on your heart, or through the patience you learn when waiting for the next shoe to drop. sometimes looking out the window for that one night stand who never did show up- but it was all for the best. at the time the pain rips through heart when you look for reasons. they used to fall on myself, that i wasn't good enough, smart enough. now, I know better. now I am know that I am a beautiful, accomplished woman whom they didn't deserve. maybe they were afraid of what a real woman was. no, not that kind, not the one you see out in the front lights heading up a crowd. the real woman- the one you don't hear because she doesn't need to be. she's the one who looks you straight in the eyes because she has nothing to hide. she's the one who will say fuck and not care what you say. she is the one who will not shy away when you give her an excuse that you made up two seconds ago because your scared. it's not a game anymore when we get older, as much as some try to keep playing it. it's a shot in the dark what we do, this living. and it's heartbreaking sometimes when things dont' go our way. but we find our lovers and sometimes they find out. and eventually we might marry. i did. my hope is that it's forever, but i've learned enough to know that you can't plan for tomorrow. there isn't any expectation in that but there's appreciation. and i hope he knows every day that i love him with this heart of mine. he's been there down the roads where you are waiting for something. when the heart comes first and you push all else to the wayside. one you day you forget that it's not just the heart that drives you, but the will. the desire. it's not all about love, but respect. respect of yourself and the ability to achieve. so now when he touches my hips, there's no mistake. sometimes i miss the youthfull blunders i made, but now when i know there's someone whose traveled the same roads as me. and it took me a while to believe it when i would say it to myself, but it's all good. |