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By willtobe1 Date: 2006 Sep 11 Comment on this Work [[2006.09.11.06.36.4651]] |
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Dear Annie's Mailbox [formerly Ann Landers]~ My wife and I have been together nearly 20 years, most of the first half without kids. During that time the sex was both great and plentiful. Since having kids the sex is still great, but only for a brief time every couple of weeks. The rest of the time there is either something more important going on, or the need for sleep is greater, or there's a lack of enthusiasm that prevents satisfaction. The regularity of the peaks makes it seem merely physiological, as if lovemaking for its own sake is not worth seeking out. Extra romancing, biting comments, and frank, open discussion seem to have little affect on the pattern. I try so hard to be circumspect, to remember the long years of the good times, to accept as gifts the times that still come. But the nearly 10 years of feeling shorted have taken their toll. My wife still wants to be affectionate but the cold, hard reality is that I can no longer stand to touch or be touched by a beautiful and curvacious woman when I will almost certainly be going to bed bitter with need. So I wind up pushing away what little we have left. We still love each other on many levels and are good partners at running the household, but our deeply eroded intimacy is bound to impact other parts of our relationship at some point. The effect of men's overactive and often ill-used libidos on relationships has been thoroughly discussed. But is it really all our fault? Couldn't women make some extra efforts to keep a good fire going? "Unlucky in Kentucky" [If someone sees this printed in the column, please let me know...] |