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By not*about*you Date: 2007 Feb 07 Comment on this Work [[2007.02.07.23.28.13476]] |
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not long ago i married for the first time but not before i broke it off completely after all the invitations were made up the arrangements made because of you i had a childish hope one last time that maybe this time you would actually make human contact. i actually felt in my interpretation of what mystery feels like... that your "being" wanted me to to stay free. it sounds crazy so it's better to leave it for the anonymous spaces as the memory fades in every ones mind after all, it has never been my turn since i was already put in my place by you after i made a fool of myself many times in public, i have no explanation for my craziness back then, maybe it is our energy that made a snap in my brain in too small of a space to hold it all too little time to transform it all and then i found out later i married without even knowing it many miles away in a spiritual ceremony without my physical presence with the guests and relatives the religious symbols and figures the prayers and the belief among our framed pictures with food and drinking and celebration while physically here at home i was recovering and medicating myself for the childish hopes of you. so i never had the big wedding which i physically attended only the paper and the pen the witnesses and the kiss. and i look back and realize that i made the right decision because my husband is physically available in physical space and reality while you my love, never were and never are somehow that reality speaks volumes to the rational mind as it healed from childish dreams memories and hopes for something that doesn't exist was never created never born not even properly imagined. |