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By Violet Date: 2007 Oct 17 Comment on this Work [[2007.10.17.23.13.5218]] |
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my bones ache. every inch of my spine is tight and crawling. i spent the day holding her- she refused to be put down. i relish this time when i can be everything to someone. when she grows and unravels herself from me, there will be a hollow in her place. she's 7 months old and already, i am aware of it's shadow creeping in. she will stop being an extension of my life (and my every breath) and she will be her own person. we have been pulling away from our mothers forever. but it is because of this fact that i am having a quarter-life crisis. i see my life spinning on fast forward into the grave and am powerless. i begged and begged you until finally we had this baby! and i am so in love with her- head over heels with both of you, actually. and i am terrified all the time of losing either one of you. and i'm scared that there are bits and fragments of life tucked away somewhere... a life that gets swept away from me before i have a chance. i want to be awake all the time, to collect all the precious moments before they are gone. i want to leave behind a book so full of memories that it bursts at the seams. my mind is dark and out of control. i should just sleep. |