By Harrington
Date: 2008 Jul 09
Comment on this Work
[[2008.07.09.15.31.31574]]

Flinch

Four years, two days, five hours, 13 minuets
Our marriage lasted

Three years, one day, two hours, some odd minuets
The first time you laid your hands on me
    I remember that moment
    Your hands around my throat
    I fell to the floor, you followed me down
    You yelling in my face
    I don't think you remember anything at all

What did I do
I promised to love you and cherish you
Is this the rest of my life...yes
(at least the next some odd years)

Every black/blue/green eye
Every swollen/bleeding lip
Every finger mark on my neck and arms
Every bruise I hid under my shirt

Every time you cheated
(You blamed it on my lack of intimacy)
Every time you lied

I left you
But you had to beat me down just one more time
I let you into the house to pick up our daughter
I trusted you one time too many
You took what didn't belong to you anymore
You took my rights and freedom to say "no"

I sat in that hospital bed for two weeks
(all because I opened the door for you)
Nine months later, two days, and 4 hours
Back into the hospital to have your second child

Tell me how I am supposed to be ok
How can I ever love another man
  when I expect him to be just like you
  I know he will be just like you
How am I supposed to be ok
  when you come and take our girls for visitation
  I still remember
  I still flinch when your move your arms, legs, hands

I AM NOT OK

My life, and I am not even living it
My scars, not even from you
(those are from my own knives/razor blades)
My tears, I cry at night
The way I snap at any man that looks at me
  or tells me that I am beautiful
  (what the hell are they looking at!)

Up
  Down
Over
    Around
Drowning, screaming...I am dying
The waves and ripples of what we were

I am still reeling from what we used to be