By Tummy
Date: 30 November 1997

Listen Up!

I wish I could scream out loud that I love you.
I wish I could see you..don't go.

Two of my favorite lines from a song I know.  
A while back I had my first big crush.  I thought it was love.
It could have been love.  Things went wrong in the relationship, and 
I gave up.  It was the wrong thing to do, and by the time I realized 
how much I cared, he had found someone else.  I wrote this in one
of those very lost moments that only come when you realize that
something irreplaceable has been lost.

We will never unite.  I realize that now.  Why do I still waste my time on him?
Because he is my love, I know that.  It seems as though I shall never know 
anothers touch as sweet as his, and whose face I would rather look upon in night 
nd day.  When is my time?  I wait laborously.  What pain I take on so that I might
have a beautiful relationship through the last two years of highschool and the first 
two years of college.  Unfortunately I can never 
see me having a husband into old age or even before that.  
I think my fate is changing.  He changed it today.  Destiny has delt another 
card to his protege, how will I learn? 
-This is all too confusing.  I want him.  I want to hold him and cuddle closely and kiss.  
Is this purely physical?  Surely not, for I felt when I hugged him the emotion involved. 
 He didn't want to kiss me because he didn't want to fall in love with me.  He knew he would.  
Thank god he saved my sanity by not kissing me but prolonged my misery.  What happened to our 
relationship?
I should have payed more attention.  I'm so stupid!  I want to talk to him, in my head, 
through my eyes.  He will know what I'm saying?

I wrote this when I was 14 almost 15.  Reading back on it now, it's hard to believe such a 
young person could possess so many feelings. And ofcourse
a month later I found my first love that totally blew the memory of the last away.
It was sad to see it go, but I've grown since then, and it's just another stone in the walkway.