By Jayde1498@aol.com
Date: 18 January 1998

Untitled

So many times I stare at the vast white space
that's my ceiling,
wondering if things between us will ever change.
This is probably the part where 
you get that puzzled expression on you face,
and think I'm busting in to "Dramatics"
But NO...
This is the part where I rant and rave
about how insensitive you are,
and how much hurt you've caused me.
And after we've "talked it over"
or rather threw it aside-
I paste a "happy smile" on my face
and act like everything's all better.
Then the "Cycle" repeats itself
and once again-
I throw aside whatever other thing
you've done to cause me sadness.
That will then be added to my
"collection" of pain.
But to tell you the truth,
the future seems empty-like your promises.
I ask myself time and time again why I stay,
When in fact I'd probably be much
better off by myself.
Yet then again I start to remember all that we were...
or at least all that I thought we were.
I remember the softness of your kiss,
the tenderness of your touch,
the laughter in your eyes,
and the brightness of your smile.
I remembeer all the times you held me
when I could barely stand on my own.
I remember even the simplest little things
like watching you play video games,
but all the while still having your arms
wrapped tightly around my waist.
But I guess most of all I'd remember
all the effort, time, and love that I poured into you
as I stuggled to make what I thought
was a "relationship" work.
Then that's when the pain worsens,
and the only sound I can hear is my heart breaking...
Sometimes I want to SMACK you across the head
and make you see me...I mean REALLY see ME!
But the only times you ever seem to--
is when you've come down to the bottom 
of your "priority list" 
and find my name there.
I mean...
What's it going to take for you
to see past yourself?
You're losing the one person 
who love you the most.
And the worst part of it is...
I don't even think you realize it.


By:  Chris Fernandez
Jan 14, 1998