By J.S.
Date: 14 June 1998

Heartbeat

i love you
but do you feel the same
i will never know
you will never tell
i cry for you
i ache for you
what does it all mean
for me to be like this
still wanting you
still needing you
you were so good for me
we were so good for each other
and i cry for you
because i miss you
i love you
and you're not here
you don't feel the same
you wrap your arms around other girls
you hold them so close to you
do you remember holding me that way
do you remember holding me even closer
do you remember holding me against your flesh
my hot flesh on yours
all those weeks ago
this state of stable mental confusion
does not serve me well
how do you fare
knowing i'm so torn up inside
does it bother you
to know i still hold on to your memory
to know i savor your letters
to know i hang on every word you speak
i try to forget you
i try to move on
and for days i am fine
but then i see you
for a few seconds, maybe
a few minutes
and all of those walls
i so meticulously built up around myself
come crumbling down
i sigh
because i have to build them back up again
but i'd take you back in a heartbeat.