By Jordan Kiser
Date: 15 June 1998
My Everything
She is everything to me. She is about every thought in my mind. I just
can't forget her. She is so beautiful to me. I think about her every day and
every night. Everyone around me thinks I should forget her and move on, but it
is not as simple as that, I try . . . I try very hard. Many times I have told
myself "She's not worth it, forget her, there are better." But, no matter how
many times I quote that, I cannot forget her. She is the golden key to my life.
I see the reflection of her face every time I look into the sky. Every time I
think about her, I get sad and start to feel emotional. I long for the days
gone by. Those days now are feelings, yet memories in time. My life's empty
without her. Nobody can compare to her. Every day that I don't see her it's
not the same, I feel lonely within my heart. I vowed that I would love her for
all time. Anytime I think about her, I remember the wonderful times I spent
with her. The loneliness she has left me with has crushed my heart. All I want
is for her to let me love again, because I need her love to comfort me and ease
my pain. Through it all there is only one problem . . . she doesn't feel the
same for me as I do for her. To her I am a simple raindrop out of those many
others. For she has never given me a sign to show that she cares for me. I
wish I could be her everything like she is for me. How I would love the chance
to hold her in my arms and stare into her beautiful eyes in which those of deep
cave brown were not meant to be with those of crystal blue. For us to walk
along the sea of love hand-in-hand and heart- in-heart, would be a wonderful
dream. Unfortunately I don't believe these days will ever come to be. They,
just like other dreams, will someday float away with a white blanket of clouds
just as they had come. My heart no longer shines. I lay on the ground and
stare at the sky while remembering your magic touch that filled my heart with
warmth and your arms when you held me close. But now, I am not complete without
you, I feel like I am slowly dying. My heart is broken in half. Now, you are
the only one smiling. I do not exist to you. When you said sorry, you left my
world to shatter. If this is "puppy love" then real love must be the most
powerful and wonderful feeling there can ever be. Maybe some day I could be
lucky enough to hold her in my arms. My heart now can never be replaced because
of the way she hurt me. The most powerful fear that exists in my life, is love.
That's one thing I can't resist in my life. Love, to me, is the strongest thing
that I have ever approached. My heart has been shattered into many pieces and I
am never going to feel as good as I did when my heart belonged to you.
Loneliness is all that I can feel other than depression and the pain that it
caused me. Ever since then, I have never been the same. I have a weakness of
love that causes a great pain that is uncontrollable, a pain that doesn't allow
me to breathe easily. That year was the most wonderful year that I have ever
lived, and probably will ever live. I will miss those warm heart filling days
that I have spent with her. All I want her to know, is that I loved her greatly
I will miss her for the rest of my life, and that oath that I made that I will
love her forever was made by the truth that lives deep within my heart. I do
love her. My life is now empty and I am bound deep within the sea of love.
When nothing makes sense and every thought is blurred, love finds it's way like
it did for me, and somehow I understand. I know why it is, and what must be, no
matter what arises or what happens, love will always find it's way and lead us
to our destiny. When you look into my eyes you view my soul and see the love I
have to give. It is everything I am, and because of it I will always love you.
For you have shown the density of love and how it works. Love to me is a world
full of despair, you've given me hope, a dream, a desire for something more,
something better. For this you will always be special I love you more than
anyone will ever know. If there was a word to describe my love to you, surely
it would only be spoken by God. For no person could love more than me. In my
heart, I carry you and the essence of love in its pure and simple form. All I
have to offer you is me and my love, though both are simple. I promise they are
true, even as I write this, I think of how to describe to you, something I
hardly understand. But I must tell you how I feel, so I close my eyes and let
my heart guide my hand perhaps the tears that fall from my eyes will show you my
love and how much it means to me. To me our love is everything. I believe love
will find it's way and show us the answers to the questions being revealed. I
promise you that I will always love you and that I never meant to hurt you. I
promise I will never forget the love you shared with my heart and sole. For out
of everything in my life that I have earned and gotten, your love is my most
valuable possession, and the memories I have with it will always be my fondest.
Life is truly a mystery, a puzzle waiting to be solved, although one might be
able to solve it. Alone, the answer will be found easier with another. I want
to discover life with you and experience all of life's secrets together. In
your embrace I love you . . . always and forever . . . When I was falling into a
deep dark hole and had nothing to hold me up, you gave me your hand, but I
didn't grasp it. You threw me a rope, but I didn't tie it. You gave me a
parachute, but I didn't pull the string. Then finally, you gave me your love,
and that is what stopped my hole. I'll remember the love that you shared with
me, and how much you've helped me in life. I'll never forget you, my everything
is you. Every day that I wake up, I always feel the pain that love has left me
with for the rest of my life, and I will regret the hidden powers of puppy love
forever. . .
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