By Jeff M.    jdm25@yahoo.com
Date: 6 May 1998

Light and Darkness and Light

        He was comfortable with his station in life. For many years he had
strove to achieve everything he wanted. Sacrificing and hard work were
the mainstay of his existence. He had completed his education, landed
his dream job, bought a home he was proud of and was blessed with the
most wonderful child a father could ask for. It was time to rest. 
True there were things that were not right in his life, but he knew
that nobody could have everything and he was thankful for what he had. 
	Many years ago after his child was born and his marriage had matured,
he realized that he had mistaken love for happiness. Some think that
all you need is love to make things right, but age and experience had
taught a different lesson. Without friendship, without passion,
without a connection of the soul a man cannot truly complete himself. 
When he looked inside himself he found this incompleteness like a deep
black hole. He was repulsed by what he saw. He felt selfish. How could
he want more than what he was already blessed with? How could he fill
this emptiness without hurting the one's he loved?  No he could not!
So he betrayed his feelings and tried to close his eyes to the
emptiness inside.  But this blackness would not be denied. It pulled
at his heart. He saw it every time he looked at his wife, went to
touch her, tried to connect with her. Finally he did the only thing he
could do to stop the pain. He allowed the blackness to have his heart.
	All at once it shrouded his heart in darkness. It doused the fires of
passion and cooled his soul. Poetry and music lost their meaning to
him. What once fueled the passion in him now only served to harden his
soul. Now he was numb. This numbness felt good to him after feeling
the constant pain of the blackness. Now he was one with the darkness.
It blinded him to what he was missing. It blocked his view of the
world and only let in dark things. In this cool dark unpassioned place
he finally found peace.
	One day he begins searching for something lost on the internet.
He engages in sex chat. He finds women looking for nothing but 
sex and other kinky stuff and for a while this feels OK. Then one 
day with nothing but conquest on his mind he sends an e-mail to her. 
When he gets a response he is intrigued. He reads her words and begins
to see a picture in his eyes. They exchange thoughts and dreams and
soon the image starts to become clear. It is a face reflected in the
screen. He looks closer and begins to realize that the face he is
seeing is his own, reflected in her words. At first he is scared. He
does not want to feel anything. He has spent so many years in the
comfort of darkness, he does not want to see the light. Her words were
so perfect and her soul so full. Her light begins to shine through the
darkness. She reminded him of what he once had and showed him where he
was. He could feel the embers in his soul starting to burn with every
word that she passes to him. Soon he began to fight the darkness. He
turns to the things that once made him feel alive. He reads poetry and
once again the verses come alive to him. When he hears a song the
words seem to be for him again.  He could feel the darkness' hold
begin to crumble and the fires of passion once again burn inside of
him. This girl on the other side of the screen has no idea the
metamorphoses that is taking place in him and that she is responsible.
It was almost like the darkness became his cocoon.  He crawled into it
at a low point in his life and never found the courage or reason to
break out. Now as the cocoon falls away he finds wings that allow his
soul not only to escape, but to fly.
	This story has not ended yet. He does not know where the next words
from her will take him or if she can feel his fires burning again.
Whatever the outcome, she is the one who opened his heart and released
his soul. When he looks at things around him he notices colors,
sounds, smells and touches of things that once inspired him and now
once again bring him happiness. He is grateful for his life and
thankful that the sky is blue again. No matter what happens he knows
that their souls were supposed to meet if only for a moment. She has
given him the gift of living. The power to accept the dark void in his
life and never let it consume him. The ability to harness the power of
the black hole and focus it's forces on positive things. 
        Were they  soulmates and destined to seek each other out? Yes I think
so. What is the path that is right for each of them and is it the same
path? I don't know. Will they touch each other for a moment and move
on? Maybe, but they will each take a part of the other to help them
complete their soul.