By Melanie Wittry
Date: 7 May 1998

Simplicity

It's never simple.  It's never black and white.  Life would be so much easier if it were.  
If everything was right or wrong we would have no worries, and no regrets.  We would 
never wish we had or hadn't done something.  

That first night we were together was something amazing.  It was that something amazing
that makes your heart pound and eyes tear.  But things are never simple.

The next month I saw him every day.  He went out of his way to make me feel special
with every touch and word.  But things are never simple.

The more I saw him, the more I liked him.  The more I liked him, the more he liked me.
The more he liked me the more I felt needed.  The more I felt needed, the more pressure
I felt.  The more pressure I felt....the more space I needed.  Why can't things be simple?

I tried to just give us some room.  I tried to spend a little less time together.  But instead of
feeling better, I felt guilty.  This wonderful perfect man would do anything for me, and all
I could think of was -- space.  Things just aren't simple.

So my mind became a jumble of sadness and anger and confusion instead of the 
happiness, love and peace I was supposed to have.   I finally broke it off.  Nothing hurt me
more than seeing him hurt. But what was I to do?  I wish to God things were simple.

But now he's leaving soon.  And somewhere in the back of my mind and deep in my heart,
I wonder if I did the right thing.  I wonder if I was being selfish or if I was doing what needed
to be done.  The only thing I do know is that it hurts to not have him in my life.  It hurts to not
be able to tell him my hopes and my dreams.  It's lonely without him.  But I still can't draw
any conclusions.  I still can't say I want him back.  Things are never simple.