By Jennifer Rutherford
Date: 21 May 1998

Staring

One of the reasons why I miss you
is because of the freeness between us
I miss sitting in your car while you drove,
being able to stare at your profile as you talked
without fear of reprisal for my admiration.

Because now when I want to stare at a man
I have to be cautious, sneaking short, short glances
out of my eye-corners, which aren't enough.
So I have to look longer, pretending to look at
the wall or a person behind, which doesn't work as well.

It isn't lustful- I don't even want to kiss
Them- it's like admiring a sculpture
only the sculpture moves, and breathes,
and notices when I watch it.

Because they always catch me out-
first a startle, then a cold eye and a turn away
a quick glance back of warning, to say,
"Don't even think about it,
you're not good enough for me."

of course embarrassed, I look away
exiling me out from the
warm sunlight of their smiles
the lines around their mouths
the crinkles at the corner and
the happy flashes of their
light eyes.