By Brian McLean x01797@exmail.usma.edu
Date: 1 April 1998

I want to hold your hand

(For Jill)
Like the title says, I was thinking about holding your hand, or hand holding 
in general, and I realized how such a small thing means so much.  
It is the first thing that you do as little kids to show affection or 
belonging.   You may find it funny, but I consider my first date to be when 
I was in like third or fourth grade, and I went to a movie with a girl, 
and then my parents took us out to dinner.  I still remember it for some 
reason, but I don’t think I had the nerve to hold the girls hand.  
Later, when I was like in sixth, seventh and eight grade (I wasn’t well liked 
for some reason), but I think I probably had a couple of dates, and being 
not very creative indefinitely we would go to a movie.  As I am sure you 
know the first big move is to go for the hand for anyone, and it very often 
happens in a movie theater, except you miss most of the movie in anticipation
of grabbing the hand, and you never work up the courage until the movie is 
almost over.  
The act of holding the hand is very symbolic, and means so much more than 
any other affectionate gesture.  Around this same time, we had the infamous 
kissing parties, and think about it, did anyone play spin the bottle to 
hold anyone’s hand, no, it was always kissing games, and girls could 
participate because kissing means so much less than the simple yet perfect 
expression of holding hands.  Had someone made the rules that if the bottle 
landed on you you would have to hold the persons hand all night, it would not 
be very popular, because no one would really like those rules.  The symbology 
of holding hands is too powerful.  Kissing is easy, just pucker up, or open up 
and go at it.
If you think about it, sex is the same way.  Take for example two people you 
know that just do it for fun, but have no real feelings for one another.
They have no commitment, and use sex only as a tool of pleasure.  Try to 
remember a time that you saw these people holding hands, and if they did, 
was it because they thought it was the socially acceptable thing to do?  
I can’t think of people who have no real feelings for each other holding hands,
because the act of holding hands is too powerful.  Screwing is fine, but 
holding hands is too much.  Strange huh.  

Now another example.  Remember back when you were in high school and were 
young, foolish, and immature and flirted all the time.  Now I am not implying 
that you did any of this, but just think back.  When you were flirting 
(hugging, teasing, pinching, touching, kissing, whatever) you felt that it 
was harmless fun, so why not, but would you have ever held that persons hand?  
Probably not.  Would you hold anyone’s hand besides mine now? -- no, I don’t 
think you would, an nor would I for the scantity of my hand is reserved 
soley for you.
So the question is what is it about hand-holding that makes it so poignant 
and powerful?  Well, that is where this whole tirade is heading.  In the 
simplest terms, hand holding is an affectionate gesture that shows that you 
care about the person whose hand you are holding.  
A mother holds the hand of her child because she cares for the welfare of 
that child.  It is different when two lovers hold hands, but in a way the same.
When I hold your hand it is because I deeply care and love you and want to 
be a part of you.  I have a need for you to know that I belong to you and you 
belong to me, and that I will always be there for you and that we are connected.
Holding hands shows everyone that we are together, but more importantly we know
that we are together, and will not be separated.
(Now comes the "Brian needs something else to do with his brain waves part.")
On a higher meaning, and sense, holding hands really does bond the two people.
Fingers or hands interlock, and form a much stronger bond than mere lips or 
(excuse the crudity) a stick and a hole could.  My skin next to yours, and 
the grooves and the crevasses interlocking and rubbing together.  The skin 
rubs together and skin cells slough off and mix together.  Energy is exchanged,
and the two hand holders are bound on a spiritual level.  Kind of gives you
more of an appreciations for the Beatles song now doesn't it?