By Shock shock@tig.com.au
Date: 5 April 1998

Thoughts from my mind

"Images of her ran through my mind, conjuring thoughts that were unspeakable
 to some, but was it love, or was it just my mind playing tricks on such an
 unsuspecting soul as myself. After all, what is love? How can we tell, if it
 is there, and just how do we respond to such an emotion? Do we reply with a
 cold stare, or do we encourage by playfulness. How can we tell if the love
 is true, or is it just the confused thoughts of a clouded mind. A mind
 clouded with the images he thinks is love. All these questions and no real
 answers, is that why I will always be alone, giving love, but receiving none.
 Is it worth living life, only to be shunned in community due to the lack of
 never been on the recieving end of love. Though, everywhere I go, and
 everything I see, there is love all around. Couples hiding everywhere,
 anywhere, but they are always there. Why can't I ever get a relationship?
 Just what is wrong with me, that is all I ask of you. You, exactly who are
 you? Do we have any interests? Or are we just happy to be around each other?
 Still all these questions, and still no answers. Why am I so full of
 questions? Is it because I have done so little with my life, maybe that's why
 I feel this way. Deprived. Is there a single word to describe the feeling of
 lost emotions. Pain. Sorrow. Anger. Yes, anger, anger at myself, anger at my
 soul and anger at been too kind, too forgiving, much too forgiving. But if I
 became cruel and heartless, then what could I gain from that. Nothing.
 Desolation. Isolation. Just plain emptiness. Is that what I'm really feeling,
 maybe yes and maybe no, but maybe I am just, missing you. All around me,
 lights go out, as I sit in darkness. Again, alone, with the thoughts that run
 me. With the darkness, I ponder whether life is unfair to me or am I just
 confused. I then close my eyes and await for the world to be nicer. Or is it
 I who is to change?"

shock (c) copyright 1996.....