By Misti Velvet Rainwater
Date: 21 April 1998

what it comes down to

   so this is what it comes down to
         this
     after all the bloody effort
        the sacrifice
   the Maybelline and Cover Girl
      well-applied
    the ardent kisses
   not too wet
    or mindless
   my small pink tongue
    creating a poem
   inside your mouth

this is the
  fruit of my
  labor?
 this?!
  me standing here
 in clammy disbelief
 watching you
  pant after
     her
  the smelly white trash
 whore of the world
  she accepts
   the gift of you
   with the smug knowing
    of a world-wise slut

everything I gave you
     a waste
 I can chain smoke
    Monarchs
   drink vodka
    for breakfast
  write a million
   sick poems
  seduce every guy
  who isn't you
     and still
   you'll be there
   Up There
 in White Man's Heaven
  and I'll be 
   here
 down here
   on the other side
  of the Styx

discarded coupons from
  the Sunday paper
   receipt for a small purchase
 a cartoon Medea
       ...this is what it comes down to.